IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs enormous government expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #costs #government #expenditure #money #road #development
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It is a common belief that the government should pay money for constructing new housing and road,
instead
 of the
restoration
 of old
buildings
.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that the
restoration
 of old
buildings
 is better for improvement of the society, even though it causes enormous government expenditure.
To begin
 with, old
buildings
 in major cities help people remember their
city
's
history
 well.
Awarness
Correct your spelling
Awareness
 of the
history
 of the
city
 they live in is very important to love their
city
 and feel
confidency
Correct your spelling
confident
confidence
 about their habitat.
For example
, Washington D.C. has many old
buildings
 with long historical background. Many old
buildings
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 well with the new one, and it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 harmonious scenery of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 are aware of the
history
 of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 about old
buildings
 and
proud
Add a missing verb
are proud
show examples
 of it.
In addition
, restored old
buildings
 could be tourist attractions for many people who live outside of the
city
 and bring about
revitalization
Add an article
the revitalization
a revitalization
show examples
 of the commercial district in the
city
. It is likely to buy some
sovenirs
Correct your spelling
souvenirs
 or eat several meals for
Add an article
the traveller
a traveller
show examples
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
show examples
 who visit the
city
 to see famous old
buildings
.
Also
, recent research shows that
restoration
Correct article usage
the restoration
show examples
 of old
buildings
 in Korea contributed to the economic growth
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
city
 to some degree.
To sum up
,
restoration
Correct article usage
the restoration
show examples
 of old
buildings
 has several benefits in spite of its high cost. It makes citizens commemorate the
city
's
history
 well and love their
city
.
Also
, restored building is easy to be famous tourist attraction which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to commercial
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
.
Therefore
, I disagree with the idea that constructing new housing and road is more important than
restoration
Add an article
the restoration
a restoration
show examples
 of old
buildings
.
Submitted by bebuls on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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