Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent days, many people have illnesses, preferring using
alternative
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medicines
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or
treatments
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to conventional medical
treatments
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.
This
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trend can bring a positive result, but its negative impact on health needs to be considered.
Therefore
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I strongly believe that
this
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situation is a negative development. One useful consequence of
this
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trend is the heavy emphasis on natural functions, many people
seek
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who seek
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to use these
type
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types
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of
medicine
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tend to approach the natural remedies that can help them recover without using drugs or medical
treatments
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from
predigious
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prestigious
prodigious
hospitals.
For example
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, herbal
medicine
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which is recognized
that
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apply
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can effectively reduce the conditions of allergies and chronic symptoms. Meanwhile, the demerits of
this
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tendency
causes
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cause
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numerous problems
on
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in
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people's well-being,
patients
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who opt for
these treatment
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this treatment
these treatments
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often don't believe in scientific experiences, especially the
medicines
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which are created in
laboratory
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the laboratory
a laboratory
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and they usually avoid the treatment
from
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by
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professional doctors. One clear example is that the person who
suffer
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suffers
show examples
from cancer or some serious chronic diseases don't use specialized health care or
medicine
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, they threaten their own life owing to the wrong religion.
Moreover
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, the use of
alternative
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medicines
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can result in delays in receiving proper medical care. In some cases,
patients
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choose to forego or delay necessary medical
treatments
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in favour of
alternative
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options, which can result in the progression of their illness or condition.
This
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can lead to complications, higher medical costs, and even death in severe cases. An example of the negative impact of relying solely on
alternative
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medicines
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is the case of Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple Inc. Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He
initially
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chose to rely on
alternative
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medicine
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and delayed conventional medical treatment. By the time he eventually sought medical intervention, it was too late. In conclusion, different
medicines
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can bring natural
treatments
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for
patients
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and it seems
a
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an
show examples
appeling
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appealing
choice for many
patients
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, but the negative results hidden behind can lead their lives to dangerous cases.
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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and ensure sentence clarity. For instance, phrases like 'using alternative medicines or treatments to conventional medical treatments' can be revised to 'using alternative medicines or treatments instead of conventional medical treatments.'
expansion
While your essay has relevant points and examples, consider elaborating more on each idea to provide a more comprehensive argument. Expanding on certain consequences and providing additional examples could enhance your task response score.
coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Linking phrases and words can help achieve this. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'Besides' can help maintain the flow.
clarity
The essay clearly presents a position and maintains it throughout, which is crucial for a higher task response score.
examples
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the case of Steve Jobs, effectively supports the main points and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting point and ending for the reader.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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