Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In recent days, many people have illnesses, preferring using
alternative
medicines
or treatments
to conventional medical treatments
. This
trend can bring a positive result, but its negative impact on health needs to be considered. Therefore
I strongly believe that this
situation is a negative development.
One useful consequence of this
trend is the heavy emphasis on natural functions, many people seek
to use these Correct pronoun usage
who seek
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
medicine
tend to approach the natural remedies that can help them recover without using drugs or medical treatments
from predigious
hospitals. Correct your spelling
prestigious
prodigious
For example
, herbal medicine
which is recognized that
can effectively reduce the conditions of allergies and chronic symptoms. Meanwhile, the demerits of Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
tendency causes
numerous problems Change the verb form
cause
on
people's well-being, Change preposition
in
patients
who opt for these treatment
often don't believe in scientific experiences, especially the Change the determiner
this treatment
these treatments
medicines
which are created in laboratory
and they usually avoid the treatment Add an article
the laboratory
a laboratory
from
professional doctors. One clear example is that the person who Change preposition
by
suffer
from cancer or some serious chronic diseases don't use specialized health care or Change the verb form
suffers
medicine
, they threaten their own life owing to the wrong religion.
Moreover
, the use of alternative
medicines
can result in delays in receiving proper medical care. In some cases, patients
choose to forego or delay necessary medical treatments
in favour of alternative
options, which can result in the progression of their illness or condition. This
can lead to complications, higher medical costs, and even death in severe cases. An example of the negative impact of relying solely on alternative
medicines
is the case of Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple Inc. Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He initially
chose to rely on alternative
medicine
and delayed conventional medical treatment. By the time he eventually sought medical intervention, it was too late.
In conclusion, different medicines
can bring natural treatments
for patients
and it seems a
Change the article
an
appeling
choice for many Correct your spelling
appealing
patients
, but the negative results hidden behind can lead their lives to dangerous cases.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and ensure sentence clarity. For instance, phrases like 'using alternative medicines or treatments to conventional medical treatments' can be revised to 'using alternative medicines or treatments instead of conventional medical treatments.'
expansion
While your essay has relevant points and examples, consider elaborating more on each idea to provide a more comprehensive argument. Expanding on certain consequences and providing additional examples could enhance your task response score.
coherence
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Linking phrases and words can help achieve this. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore' and 'Besides' can help maintain the flow.
clarity
The essay clearly presents a position and maintains it throughout, which is crucial for a higher task response score.
examples
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the case of Steve Jobs, effectively supports the main points and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting point and ending for the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite