IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way that we work Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

It is certainly true
today
Correct word choice
that today
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 modern
technology
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 has become extremely popular in major
workplaces
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. In my opinion, modern
technology
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change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 the method of our
work
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 positively
via enhance
Change preposition
by enhancing
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 the
communication
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 between
staff
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 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 our
work
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 more convenient
,
Punctuation problem
;
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howoever
Correct your spelling
however
, too much
rely
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 on modern
technology
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 can bring downsides
including
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apply
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,
make
Wrong verb form
including making
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employees
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 struggle mentally
as well as
Linking Words
 physically. On the one hand, I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
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change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 the
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workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
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to
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in
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 way
through improve
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by improving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
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 between
staff
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 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 our
work
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 more convenient. Regarding
communication
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, the managers can communicate with their
employees
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 in
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
show examples
 way.
For example
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, the boss can discuss information related to the
work
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 with their workers through computers or smartphones.
Therefore
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, modern
technology
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 can enhance the productivity of
staff
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 via to make
communication
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 easier. When it comes to convenience , modern
technology
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 can make
workplaces
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 more comfortable.
This
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 is because
employees
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 can use their computers to finish their
taskes
Correct your spelling
tasks
 with less effort.
For instance
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,
employees
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 can use the Microsoft
office
Fix capitalization
Office
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namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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, Excel,
word
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Word
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Punctuation problem
,
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in order to solve complex calculations related to their
work
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 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think
too
Correct word choice
that too
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 much
depends
Replace the word
dependence
show examples
 on modern
technology
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 can have a negative
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on
workplaces
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. The primary drawback of too much
rely
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 on modern
technology
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 is can make
employees
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 struggle with mental health issues
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
,
derpression
Correct your spelling
depression
, and anxiety.
This
Linking Words
 is because, lack of face-to-face interaction
of
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apply
show examples
among
employees
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 can make them
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more vulnerable to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mental health problems.
Make
Verb problem
Employees
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 are more likely to get serious diseases is another disadvantage of too much
rely
Wrong verb form
reliance is placed
show examples
 on modern
technology
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. To illustrate,
employees
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 spend a considerable amount of time in front of
technology
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 without movement, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 workers
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more vulnerable to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 serious illnesses
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
,
obersity
Correct your spelling
obesity
, and heart attack.
To sum up
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,
For
Change preposition
from
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 my perspective, modern
technology
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change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 the way of our
work
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 positively
via boosts
Change preposition
by boosting
show examples
 the
communication
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 between
staff
Use synonyms
 and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 our
work
Use synonyms
 more comfortable
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
howoever
Correct your spelling
however
, too much
rely
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 on modern
technology
Use synonyms
 can bring drawbacks
Punctuation problem
,
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 suffer mentally and physically.

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grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form to fix many errors.
grammar
Use simple, clear language for ideas. Short sentences can be stronger.
lexical resource
Improve word choice; avoid repeated or wrong words.
coherence
Make ideas clearer with direct links; use 'however' and 'for example' correctly.
task response
Plan a short intro and a short closing that state your view.
spelling
Check spelling of main words to avoid mis-steps.
structure
Clear structure with 'on the other hand' sections.
content
Attempts to give examples for points.
task response
Overall has a view and a plan to discuss both sides.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • software applications
  • high-speed internet
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • geographical boundaries
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • skill gaps
  • job displacement
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • dependency
  • security risks
  • data breaches
  • cyber attacks
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