IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Advertisments of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisement to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree.

#advertisments #snacks #toys #impact #children #parents #advertisement
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Firstly
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, little
children
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 pester their
parents
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 to buy the products advertised on TV and Social media. To explain more,
children
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 may force their
parents
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 to buy unnecessary commodities by seeing
advertisements
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, which can cause serious family disputes. Advertising is often for products and services that
children
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 do not really need.
Children
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 are drawn towards consumerism when they see
advertisements
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.
Children
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 are easily influenced by commercials and
then
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 pester their
parents
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 to buy certain products. A lot of adverts create artificial wants for
children
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.
For example
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, the Coca-Cola company must devote a portion of its market to selling specifically to
children
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. their company never talks about the disadvantage of soft drinks on
children
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's physical and mental health.
thus
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, both schools and
parents
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 need to teach
children
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 the skills to evaluate and analyze
advertisements
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.
secondly
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,
children
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 are unable to differentiate between the actual TV programs and commercials. to explain more,
children
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 see advertising as their media food.
that is
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, as it uses the content of an animation, cartoon or puppet program, she
also
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 consumes advertising.
additionally
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, it should be illegal to use
children
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's film heroes and favourite cartoon characters in
advertisements
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. advertising gives
children
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 the illusion that everyone has free access to all material things.
For example
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, companies should not advertise fast food to
children
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while
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 are growing up because it can be disadvantageous for
children
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.
thus
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, some countries have already banned advertising targeted at young
children
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.
to conclude
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, not only is advertising bad for
children
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 and
parents
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 but
also
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 it is significantly impacting their mental and physical health. So, it would be a great idea if countries could have banned advertising, not only
parents
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 are helped but
children
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 are helped too.
Submitted by fjafari94 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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