IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say now there is less communication between the family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that communication between families has changed dramatically in recent years.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that there is less communication among family members now compared to the past, there is an opposing argument. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss why I believe that the first notion is largely true.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the present world, there are many distractions we deal with every day.
In other words
Linking Words
, the internet and social media platforms take a huge amount of our daily routines;
therefore
Linking Words
, they consume a great deal of our
time
Use synonyms
 and energy.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour makes little to no
time
Use synonyms
 for family gatherings,
thus
Linking Words
 confirming that in these days the interactions inside homes have decreased . Another point to consider is the pursuit of materialistic items. There is no denying the fact that many
people
Use synonyms
 invest their
time
Use synonyms
 to achieve their goals,
such
Linking Words
 as wealth, financial
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
, better job prospects, or seek education, all of which require lots of dedication and focus. Sadly, these goals are great and seem attractive and coveted;
however
Linking Words
, they make
people
Use synonyms
 overlook the importance of spending
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it becomes apparent that many individuals who prioritise
such
Linking Words
 targets contribute to reducing the opportunity to spend a large
time
Use synonyms
 with their family. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that now there is less communication between family members than in the past. I think things like technology and continuous desire for achievement are the major reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Plan your answer with a clear view and a short counter view. End with a strong restate of your view.
coherence
Use one idea per paragraph with a topic sentence. Link ideas with simple words like and, but, so.
grammar
Keep to simple words and short sentences. Check for small grammar errors.
content
Give one or two real life examples to back your ideas.
content
Your position is clear and easy to follow.
coherence
You use sign post words (To begin with, Another point to consider, In conclusion) to show flow.
content
The reasons are tied to life now (tech use and chasing goals).
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: