IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a 'gap year'; before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Young people tend to choose travelling for a year as a chance to broaden their horizons, before beginning work or pursuing higher academic studies. For other individuals, they consider that a year-long span of travelling is a time-consuming activity.
However
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, I strongly believe that a long period of time spent outside the country would benefit young people to understand their preferences and discover themselves.
Moreover
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, the chance of expanding personal horizons is a huge factor that can determine whether or not a person chooses the right life path.
Firstly
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, travelling forces rapid personal growth. Handling logistics, budgeting, navigating language barriers, and solving unexpected problems builds core competencies and emotional resilience that standard schooling rarely teaches.
For example
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, some articles point out the importance of a few months' break after academic pressure for the purpose of being able to take responsible actions for a better outcome.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 a lack of time management, academic stress, and lack of motivation, some individuals opt for a longer period of time to rethink their own plans by exploring history and a variety of cultures, which can influence their critical point of view.
For instance
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, some studies suggest that students who have finished high school tend to explore the world and find new opportunities for self-development before deciding to pursue university or a career. In conclusion, individuals need to take a one-year break after completing an academic course. Even though visiting other countries contributes to self-development and growth, I tend to agree that overcoming and handling daily difficulties and discovering the inner self are important before heading to work or university.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk more about the good side, but the bad side is not fully explained.
task response
Give your own opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Use more real and clear examples, not only 'some articles' or 'some studies'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow with one clear topic in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore', but do not use too many long phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should match your opinion exactly. Now it sounds a little mixed.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good paragraph shape with two main body paragraphs.
task response
You give clear ideas about growth, travel, and self-development.
task response
Your opinion is present and easy to find.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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