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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and thay do not need to have social responsibilities.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#priority #businesses #money #thay #responsibilities
The main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
businesses
 is
finding
Change the verb form
to find
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 and
grinding
Wrong verb form
grind
show examples
money
,and they don'
t
 care about what they need to do
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 public responsibilities.
While
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree
this
preraption
Correct your spelling
perception
 is somewhat illegal,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
this
 writer will show you the reason On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 if
businesses
 don'
t
 care about the social community so the worst thing it will happen is it will make the environment
becom
Correct your spelling
become
becomes
more and more bad
Replace the words
worse and worse
worse
show examples
 in future, trees and
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 living
in
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on
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 earth gonna extinct so
people
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people's
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 life will go down and won'
t
 increase in few years. As you can see if your country
are
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is
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 war or have
virus
Add an article
a virus
show examples
 like Covid-19 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
businesses
 will use that to take
money
 from
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 so
this
 will make that country go down in
further
 future. Turning to the remaining
stastic
Correct your spelling
statistic
static
, if the company
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just focus on making
money
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think they will sell drug or
nicotin
Correct your spelling
nicotine
 over the world and it will make crimes in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 go up in some days. At
last
 reason if
businesses
, which just focus on grinding
money
 , the finance from in other company will go down and it will make
people
 lost
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 jobs so that they can'
t
 making
money
 to use for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that
businesses
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not need to have social responsibilities,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 bad,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would
content
Correct your spelling
contend
show examples
 that one of each
people
 should have philanthropic actions to improve
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
 of
people
 in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 . What is
more
Add a comma
,more
show examples
 if you
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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care about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public responsibilities
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can
sure
Add a missing verb
be sure
show examples
 that the environment will be
Add an article
an improvement
the improvement
show examples
improvement
Replace the word
improved
show examples
 and become
more and more better
Change the word
better and better
better
show examples
 in future.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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