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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilites. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilites
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It is often said that businesses make an effort to generate profits
while
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 they do not need to have public responsibilities. I completely agree with
this
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 notion that we should
be
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apply
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solve socio-economic problems and should not concentrate on making money.
Firstly
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, there is an undeniable fact that businesses play a very important role
of
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in
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 creating jobs for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
For example
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, a good illustration is
Apple
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Company
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 it develops its investment by selling more products. Nowadays
Apple
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 is a very popular phone
company
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 with young people.
In addition
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to
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apply
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,it is popular to buy to use newly launched
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apple
Capitalize word
Apple
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 products that look more and more luxurious.
Apple
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's success today comes mainly from the iPhone. The
company
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 has sold more than 1 billion devices since its first day of launch in 2007. We can imagine
that
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apply
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what might happen if
giant
Correct article usage
a giant
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company
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 collapsed
?
Change the punctuation
.
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 Thousands of people would potentially
loose
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lose
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 their job because
increasing
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of increasing
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 manpower and new products leading to it, being famous. So who will take care of their families when they lose their jobs, which can be used to sustain their life
.
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?
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Secondly
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, since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, more than a sixth of young workers have had to stop working, and those who are able to continue working have had their working hours cut by 23%. In 2021, approximately 12.8 million people aged 15 years and older have been negatively impacted, including job loss, furlough, rotational work, reduced working hours, or reduced income.
Also
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, increasing pressure on women's time to take care of their children, especially when schools are closed, and their children have to study online at home. Other pauper families are hard to earn food because they have less savings and limited access to finance. In conclusion, businesses have big responsibilities against
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human life
by
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for
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 two reasons and both of them have
the
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apply
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special places and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can be negligible.
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