IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagress?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities #disagress
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often said that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
Use synonyms
 have to priority to make
money
Use synonyms
, so they didn't have
reponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the public.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that
this
Linking Words
 perception is
some what
Correct your spelling
somewhat
show examples
 justifiable,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe it will better if it went to
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 way. There is no
dout
Correct your spelling
doubt
 that the main purpose of
businesses
Use synonyms
 is
generate
Change the verb form
to generate
generating
show examples
 profits. Because making a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 can help their
businesses
Use synonyms
 grow up and bigger
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. They
also
Linking Words
 can expand more productions in their field. They
also
Linking Words
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on their family, their life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they don't have any time to care about the social because they are very busy
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
. In my opinion, if they make
money
Use synonyms
 with care about social
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 they have more
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
 than they think.
For example
Linking Words
, if they have a social responsibility, everyone will know their
businesses
Use synonyms
 more and they can develop the business faster.
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
responsibilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
responsibility
show examples
 to the social
also
Linking Words
creative
Replace the word
creates
show examples
 more opportunities to contract with other
businesses
Use synonyms
. Everyone
also
Linking Words
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 about their production and it will help the quality increase in the market.
Market
Add an article
The market
show examples
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 impact on
businesses
Use synonyms
 so they need to have
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 like
concerned
Add a missing verb
being concerned
show examples
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 process of production,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 factory emissions, create more job
opportuninities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for poor people in general. In conclusion, I would contend that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
Use synonyms
 will have more opportunities if they combine the high priority is making
money
Use synonyms
 with
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 to the social.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: