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Band 4

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagress?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities #disagress
It is often said that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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businesses
 have to priority to make
money
, so they didn't have
reponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
with
Change preposition
to
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 the public.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is
some what
Correct your spelling
somewhat
show examples
 justifiable,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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I believe it will better if it went to
other
Change the wording
another
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 way. There is no
dout
Correct your spelling
doubt
 that the main purpose of
businesses
 is
generate
Change the verb form
to generate
generating
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 profits. Because making a lot of
money
 can help their
businesses
 grow up and bigger
than
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apply
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. They
also
 can expand more productions in their field. They
also
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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money
 on their family, their life.
On the other hand
, they don't have any time to care about the social because they are very busy
to work
Change the verb form
working
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. In my opinion, if they make
money
 with care about social
responsibilities
 they have more
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
 than they think.
For example
, if they have a social responsibility, everyone will know their
businesses
 more and they can develop the business faster.
Have
Wrong verb form
Having
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
responsibility
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 to the social
also
creative
Replace the word
creates
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 more opportunities to contract with other
businesses
. Everyone
also
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 about their production and it will help the quality increase in the market.
Market
Add an article
The market
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also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 impact on
businesses
 so they need to have
responsibilities
 like
concerned
Add a missing verb
being concerned
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the
Change preposition
with the
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 process of production,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 factory emissions, create more job
opportuninities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for poor people in general. In conclusion, I would contend that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
 will have more opportunities if they combine the high priority is making
money
 with
responsibilities
 to the social.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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