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Band 4

the top prioty of business is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prioty #business #money #responsibilities
It is said
by
Change preposition
apply
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some individuals that it is no need to have social
responsibilities
 for
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 priority of businesses. I disagree with the idea that they won't have to do anything for society other than make money. All
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 must have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibilities
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
. The businesses think they only need to make money and don't care to around them. They want to
growbusiness
Correct your spelling
grow business
 to generate profits and have a relaxing life
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
. They only think about
to maximize
Change the verb form
maximizing
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 profits.
On the other hand
,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 need to have more
pubilc
Correct your spelling
public
responsibilities
. It is created job opportunities for the
unemployment
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unemployed
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.
This
 is a philanthropic
actions
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action
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 to deal with many unemployed. All individuals must care
factory
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about factory
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 emissions, it will not be good for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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. The production process can be the poor people in general buy and use with many different profits.
Moreover
, they have a lot of
difficult
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difficulties
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life so
this
 action will help many
the
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of the
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 poor. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
businesses
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not
to
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apply
show examples
social
responsibilities
, I would contend that all people must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take it. We need to put a high priority on
Correct pronoun usage
our shoulder
show examples
shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
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 because it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lead to an improvement in
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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 of the
govement
Correct your spelling
government
movement
. All individuals need to take care of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 social
responsibilities
.
For example
,
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 the environment
also
 is a humanitarian action. And I believe that will have a lot of people feel happy when realize
myself
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 do a good job.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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