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Band 4

the top prioty of business is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prioty #business #money #responsibilities
It is said
by
Change preposition
apply
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some individuals that it is no need to have social
responsibilities
 for
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 priority of businesses. I disagree with the idea that they won't have to do anything for society other than make money. All
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 must have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibilities
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
word
Correct your spelling
world
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. The businesses think they only need to make money and don't care to around them. They want to
growbusiness
Correct your spelling
grow business
 to generate profits and have a relaxing life
more
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apply
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. They only think about
to maximize
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maximizing
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 profits.
On the other hand
,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 need to have more
pubilc
Correct your spelling
public
responsibilities
. It is created job opportunities for the
unemployment
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unemployed
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.
This
 is a philanthropic
actions
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action
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 to deal with many unemployed. All individuals must care
factory
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about factory
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 emissions, it will not be good for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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. The production process can be the poor people in general buy and use with many different profits.
Moreover
, they have a lot of
difficult
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difficulties
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life so
this
 action will help many
the
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of the
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 poor. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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businesses
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not
to
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apply
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social
responsibilities
, I would contend that all people must
to
Change the verb form
apply
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take it. We need to put a high priority on
Correct pronoun usage
our shoulder
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shoulder
Fix the agreement mistake
shoulders
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 because it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lead to an improvement in
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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 of the
govement
Correct your spelling
government
movement
. All individuals need to take care of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 social
responsibilities
.
For example
,
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 the environment
also
 is a humanitarian action. And I believe that will have a lot of people feel happy when realize
myself
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 do a good job.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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