IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technology have developed very fast in the past 100 years. However, some people think that technology progress has brought negative effect on humanity. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Technological improvements have shown a speedy increase in the past 10 decades.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe that these developments
cause
Verb problem
have
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 harmful influences on
people
Use synonyms
's behaviour. From my perspective, decreasing a sense of humanity results from spending a lot of time on social media and doing everything without human help.
To begin
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 with, the internet is the most magnificent development technologically and it brings some social platforms into
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
Using social
Verb problem
Social
show examples
 media platforms (including
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
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, Instagram, and Facebook)
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 caught gradually all over the world and in generations.
This
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 circumstance comes with low awareness of users' environment and social community, for every single post point into real life from a different perspective, especially positive.
Therefore
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,
people
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 believe that everything around them is perfectly normal and there is no subject they might help. Spending a lot of time in
this
Linking Words
 virtual community reduces the understanding of the realistic world and the sense of humanity associated with the needs of other
people
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.
Secondly
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, the growth of technology accounts for that all regular devices are automatic
such
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 as vacuum cleaners,
coffee-maker
Correct your spelling
coffee makers
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, and air fryers. Even these items are decreasing the level of human help on a normal day.
Hence
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,
people
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 become more strangers to each other than before.
For instance
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, setting up community initiatives with interaction between citizens and everyone has a duty in the team. If using devices did everything, communication between
people
Use synonyms
 would be lost and they would forget their skills being human. In conclusion, there are many logical reasons to think automatisation
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
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 users' lives negatively,
however
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, It helps make life easier and brings a lot of side effects into
people
Use synonyms
's lives at the same time. looking from
this
Linking Words
 side, the pons of the development of technology are outweighed by the cons. I hope
people
Use synonyms
 will curb increasing technology before it hurts them.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs have a clear main idea and support for that idea. Each paragraph should focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple connectives to link ideas and make your writing flow better, such as 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Ensure your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points and directly responds to the question. It should also include your opinion.
task achievement
Provide more clear and concrete examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and show clear understanding.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and state it at the beginning of the essay, which is good for your argument.
task achievement
You've identified some relevant points about technology's impact on socialization and daily tasks, which are significant aspects of the topic.
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