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Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think it is a positive or negtive development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #negtive #development
In
this
 day and age, the appearance of
smartphones
 have hugely impacted our life and
this
 same goes for
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 and even toddlers. Many
people
agrees
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 that
smartphones
 help us connect everyone around the globe and give us access to unlimited knowledge and resources.
However
, there are some
Correct pronoun usage
who argued
show examples
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
smartphones
 will have an impact on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
This
 essay supports the use of
smartphones
 in regard
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all the positive development and negative development.
To begin
,
smartphones
 are now the essential items that most
people
 will come
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 possession
Change preposition
of some
show examples
some time
Replace the word
sometime
show examples
 in their life.
This
 new device helps us to collect more resources and knowledge.
For instance
, back in the years
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
smartphones
 are still not a thing,
people
 watch and read
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 to be aware of some events
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 happening around them. But with
smartphones
 nowadays, anyone can receive
news
 from multiple different perspectives and search for knowledge that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not easy to acquire back in the
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
. With
this
 privilege provided,
people
 are less
proned
Correct your spelling
prone
 to being brainwashed by their local
news
 channels and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 able to make the right decision without being biased. As for the cons of possessing a
smartphone
 is that kids and young teenagers
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 it for entertainment which affects their studies and social skills.
For example
,
a
Correct word choice
if a
show examples
kid uses
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
smartphone
 to play the game they have downloaded for 10 hours a day, it does not only affect their study time
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
eyesight will
also
 be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victim to
long
Add an article
a long
the long
show examples
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 of close exposure between the eyes and screen. In conclusion, with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
moderate usage of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
, many
people
 are able to learn something new anywhere and anytime. As for kids, parents should be aware of the activity hours on their kid's
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 to reduce the risk of
short sighted
Add a hyphen
short-sighted
show examples
 and waste of time.
Therefore
,
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
show examples
 has way more advantage
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
, the benefit includes,
easy
Correct article usage
the easy
show examples
acquire
Replace the word
acquisition
show examples
 of
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
, connection with the whole world, and
prevents
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 tunnel vision from their local
news
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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