IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think it is a positive or negtive development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #negtive #development
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In
this
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 day and age, the appearance of
smartphones
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 have hugely impacted our life and
this
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 same goes for
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 and even toddlers. Many
people
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agrees
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agree
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 that
smartphones
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 help us connect everyone around the globe and give us access to unlimited knowledge and resources.
However
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, there are some
Correct pronoun usage
who argued
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argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that
smartphones
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 will have an impact on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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.
This
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 essay supports the use of
smartphones
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 in regard
of
Change preposition
to
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 all the positive development and negative development.
To begin
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,
smartphones
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 are now the essential items that most
people
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 will come
in
Change preposition
into
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 possession
Change preposition
of some
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some time
Replace the word
sometime
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 in their life.
This
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 new device helps us to collect more resources and knowledge.
For instance
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, back in the years
where
Correct word choice
when
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smartphones
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 are still not a thing,
people
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 watch and read
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news
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the news
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 to be aware of some events
that
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is
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are
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 happening around them. But with
smartphones
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 nowadays, anyone can receive
news
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 from multiple different perspectives and search for knowledge that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not easy to acquire back in the
days
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day
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. With
this
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 privilege provided,
people
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 are less
proned
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prone
 to being brainwashed by their local
news
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 channels and
is
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are
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 able to make the right decision without being biased. As for the cons of possessing a
smartphone
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 is that kids and young teenagers
uses
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use
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 it for entertainment which affects their studies and social skills.
For example
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,
a
Correct word choice
if a
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kid uses
the
Correct article usage
a
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smartphone
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 to play the game they have downloaded for 10 hours a day, it does not only affect their study time
,
Add the word(s)
but,
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eyesight will
also
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 be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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victim to
long
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a long
the long
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hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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 of close exposure between the eyes and screen. In conclusion, with
a
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apply
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moderate usage of
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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, many
people
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 are able to learn something new anywhere and anytime. As for kids, parents should be aware of the activity hours on their kid's
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 to reduce the risk of
short sighted
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short-sighted
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 and waste of time.
Therefore
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,
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smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
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 has way more advantage
that
Correct word choice
than
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disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
, the benefit includes,
easy
Correct article usage
the easy
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acquire
Replace the word
acquisition
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 of
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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, connection with the whole world, and
prevents
Wrong verb form
preventing
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 tunnel vision from their local
news
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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