Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many
students
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choose to add some objects to their colleagues. Does it have a positive impact? Others consider to more focus in their subject to maintain and complete their
skills
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. I believe, it might give some benefits for
pupils
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to give all their attention to their main
subjects
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, so they can fill the lack of their
skills
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to gain a bright future. Some communities believe that adding some
subjects
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makes
students
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spare their time for others
besides
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their main fields. For some people who could manage their time, it might not be a big problem.
However
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, some
pupils
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might feel under pressure because they should learn something new, and in
this
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situation, they should make a full effort.
Moreover
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,
this
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phenomenon sometimes becomes a problem, because when
pupils
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make a full effort in additional
subjects
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,
as a result
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, they forget about the main goals in their university.
This
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issue makes
students
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could not complete their tasks in the end because their focus is divided into some parts. From another perspective, I believe to gain the best result in university,
students
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should pay their full attention to their main
subjects
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. Because, when
pupils
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focus on their
skills
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, they would know their weaknesses, so they can make some efforts to fill the gap. And
as a result
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, their
skills
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would be completed.
Furthermore
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, when
pupils
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complete the
skills
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, they can prepare more to find their suitable or dream jobs after graduation.
For instance
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, to become a professional accountant, graduate
students
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can attend the workshops, so they have some certificates which were required in accounting fields.
To sum up
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, I believe
students
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should spend their full time with colleagues to maintain and pay attention to the main
subjects
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because it might complete the
skills
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and other benefits which they could gain after graduating from their studies.
Submitted by suryawatinovita on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear direction throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This strengthens your argument and illustrates your ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good overview and summary of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of each, which shows a balanced approach to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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