IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays, spending money on
space
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exploration
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 is wasteful. Allocated funds from the government would be better used for other beneficial purposes. I would argue that the allocation of the budget should focus on prioritizing sectors
such
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 as
education
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 and healthcare.
To begin
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 with, investing in priority sectors can greatly benefit a country. In rural areas, healthcare and
education
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 should be prioritized because they significantly impact economic conditions and reduce poverty levels.
For instance
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, many people in these areas cannot afford medication for critical illnesses
such
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 as heart attacks and diabetes. The government can provide financial assistance to help these communities.
Additionally
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, workers are key contributors to the economic condition and the GDP.
Furthermore
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, access to
education
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 for lower-income individuals is challenging, and providing free
education
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 can promote equality in educational opportunities.
In addition
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, the success rate of
space
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exploration
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 is low, with only a few companies or developed countries
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 succeeded in
this
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 endeavour. A professor from Harvard University reported on the success rate of
space
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exploration
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, showing that only one company has managed to generate profit from it.
Moreover
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, the complexity of
space
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exploration
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 requires significant investment, and many companies have failed numerous times despite substantial financial backing.
Thus
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, the time and cost involved in
space
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exploration
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 are unaffordable for developing countries.
To conclude
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, I strongly agree with the statement for several reasons. The government should allocate funds to priority sectors to gain more advantages rather than investing in lower-priority areas. The success rate of
space
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exploration
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 is very low, based on factual research.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph introduces a clear main point and that examples are directly linked to these points for added clarity.
task achievement
Expand on the success rate statistics with more detailed examples or contrasting evidence to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You cover multiple dimensions of the issue, including healthcare, education, and economic benefits, ensuring a well-rounded argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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