IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort o f punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #f #parents #teachers #behaviour
I agree that it is important for
children
 to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. In my experience, if
children
 didn’t know what kind of behaviour were right or wrong, it may lead to a tragedy. For my nephew, my auntie was really spoiled .
For example
, one day my nephew broke his classmate’s bottles, he don’t even say sorry to his classmate and he just cried and said that wasn’t his fault, that when the school teacher call my auntie, my auntie just help him with no
punishment
 and distinction and said sorry to his classmate and said that she will pay for his mistake. When my nephew has grown up, he made a similar mistake, he won’t realize that it was his fault and make an apology. Based on
this
 story, I think
punishment
 is necessary to help
children
 who get in trouble learn the distinction.
Furthermore
, I think physical
punishment
 is permit parents to teach good behaviour to
children
, but it’s not a way to teach. I think the best way for both parents and teacher were the
punishment
 restricting
children
 from using their mobile phone or other 3C appliances
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because my little brother will listen to my mother’s word if my mother says that she might take away his mobile phone when my little brother do the wrong things. In conclusion,
children
 learn right and wrong at an early age is really important, and sometimes
punishment
 is necessary to help them know it properly.
Submitted by wayne685241 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: