Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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parents
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should take control of their offspring closely, others believe
children
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should be given more
freedom
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. I’m going to discuss these opposing points of view. In my opinion,
parents
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should not monitor their offspring too closely but are always willing to support them whenever their
children
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need them. On the one hand, it is argued that
parents
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’ supervision of their young is important and necessary. The main reason is that
kids
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are unable to protect themselves in some potentially dangerous situations. It is
also
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possible to say that they are not mature and knowledgeable enough to keep themself away from dangers that are present everywhere around them. For
iexample
Correct your spelling
example
, a
child
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may not know a bowl of boiling soup on the table is hot and can cause burning. They possibly put their fingers into the bowl and get a burn. Another reason is nowadays there is an increasing issue of
children
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kidnapping crime.
For example
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, when a
child
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is playing in the park without his
parents
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’ supervision, some criminals can approach the
child
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and allure him with sweets or something, and
then
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kidnap the
child
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. The criminals do that just because they want to take ransom from the
child
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’s
parents
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or they may sell the poor
child
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overseas.
Therefore
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, if the
parents
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always keep an eye on their
children
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’s activities, it will be safer for the
kids
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.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that
children
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should have more
freedom
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to do almost whatever they want. People often have
this
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opinion because they think the best way to learn everything is from both bad and good experiences that would help
children
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grow independently and wisely. A second point is that
freedom
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would encourage and enhance a
child
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’s creativity, problem-solving skills and sense of responsibility.
For example
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, when a
child
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is playing with his peers in the playground, and sometimes there is a quarrel with other
kids
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. If the
parents
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do not intervene in the
kids
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’ business, the
child
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will learn how to communicate, and negotiate to get what he wants. He may be a loser, but at least after that, he can learn to control his negative feelings. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that
parents
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should supervise their
children
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carefully; meanwhile, others assume that
parents
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should give their
children
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more
freedom
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to develop naturally and independently. Personally, I tend to believe that
parents
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should let their
kids
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grow up naturally and learn new things with genuine curiosity about the world and sometimes deal with certain harsh situations so that they can develop various life skills.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, expand on your opinion with further explanation and justification. Make sure every paragraph fully develops an idea related to the main discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to signal the relationships between ideas.
Task Achievement & Coherence and Cohesion
Consider developing your arguments with more detailed and varied examples. Adding more specific scenarios will strengthen your case and make your essay more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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