Some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
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it is argued by some that it is a fundamental responsibility of parents to closely monitor their
children
Use synonyms
's activities, others believe that they should be given the freedom to explore independently.
This
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essay will examine both perspectives before asserting my conviction that a balanced approach is essential for a child's holistic development. On the one hand, it is commonly believed that
children
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should be actively supervised during their playtime. The most pressing justification for
this
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is undoubtedly the safeguarding of their physical well-being, as
children
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are often unaware of potential hazards. Parents must be vigilant and prepared to intervene immediately should a dangerous situation arise.
For example
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, a parent's constant vigilance is necessary on a playground, where a child is vulnerable to injury at any moment.
Furthermore
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, supervision is not merely about preventing harm; it
also
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serves a developmental purpose. By observing their
children
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, parents can gain invaluable insights into their inherent strengths and weaknesses, which in turn helps them to cultivate a supportive and stimulating environment for learning and growth. On the one hand, it is equally argued that a lack of constant supervision allows for the development of crucial life skills. Proponents of
this
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view maintain that giving
children
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the freedom to explore independently is instrumental in fostering self-reliance and problem-solving abilities. When
children
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are left to their own devices, they learn to navigate social dynamics and resolve conflicts without immediate adult intervention.
This
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not only builds confidence but
also
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nurtures creativity. Indeed, a child who is always under the watchful eye of an adult may be deprived of the chance to think creatively and experiment with novel ideas, which are vital for a healthy sense of self and independent thought. In conclusion,
while
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there are valid arguments for both increased parental supervision and for allowing
children
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to play independently, I firmly believe that a harmonious combination of the two is the most effective approach.
This
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balance ensures
children
Use synonyms
's safety
while
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simultaneously empowering them to become resilient and confident individuals.

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coherence
Fix the second 'On the one hand' to 'On the other hand'.
task
Give one clear example for each view to show how it works in real life.
structure
Make the conclusion stronger by restating your clear stance.
structure
There is a clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Shows balance by giving both sides and a stated view.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • watch
  • guide
  • limit
  • allow
  • freedom
  • safety
  • risk
  • trust
  • rule
  • choice
  • decision
  • child
  • parent
  • home
  • school
  • time
  • study
  • help
  • grow
  • plan
  • talk
  • listen
  • explain
  • reason
  • calm
  • respect
  • mature
  • age
  • family
  • future
  • example
  • balance
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