IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
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The continuous growth in
crime
 rates poses a significant challenge to societies worldwide.
This
 essay will outline why
people
 commit crimes in detail and
then
 propose some solutions. One major cause of
crime
 is the
lack
 of
police
 presence on the streets, which can result in more opportunistic offences.
Additionally
, unemployment can lead
people
 to
crime
due to
 financial pressures and the
lack
 of a structured routine. Peer pressure and the
lack
 of parental guidance can easily lead young
people
 to engage in criminal activities. The first solution is to
introducing
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
 harsher punishments can serve as a deter
people
 from
crime
.
Moreover
, offering training programs can combat unemployment by providing
people
 with skills, hope, and structure. Schools and parents
also
 play a critical role in teaching young individuals to avoid criminal and anti-social behaviour.
Furthermore
, increasing
police
 visibility in neighbourhoods can discourage criminal actions.
Finally
, governments should focus on alleviating poverty by enhancing social benefits, and ensuring that financial struggles do not push individuals toward
crime
. In conclusion, the growing
crime
 rates present a complex challenge that demands immediate and effective action. By addressing the root causes,
such
 as
lack
 of
police
 presence, unemployment, and inadequate guidance for young
people
, societies can work towards reducing criminal behaviour. Implementing solutions like harsher punishments, training programs, increased
police
 visibility, and improved social benefits can create a safer and more equitable environment. Ultimately, a combined effort from governments, communities, and families is essential to combat
crime
 and foster a more secure future for all.
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task by discussing both causes and solutions to crime, but more specific examples could further strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, using signal words like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Finally' would enhance the logical flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a strong introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that encapsulates the arguments effectively, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response logically addresses both the causes of crime and corresponding solutions in a clear and organized manner, which effectively meets the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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