IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents
Nowadays , fewer and fewer young people have a healthy lifestyle .I strongly agree that parents and teachers are responsible for solving
this
 impediment and I will write my arguments in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, children are influenced by what adults told them. They are not mature enough to take their own decision, so they consider what their teacher or parent said very important.
For example
, if my mom told me not to eat sweets so often because it will damage my teeth, I will stop eating them.
Additionally
, I consider that it is a bad idea to look at a child who is living a wrong lifestyle and not take any action.
For instance
, if I see an obese boy I would recommend he start practising a sport.
Furthermore
, schools must have an hour dedicated to health. Youngs spend around 7 hours daily at school so , one of those 35 hours can be dedicated to life. When a teacher teaches students how to improve their life, it has a huge impact.
Moreover
, in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 they will be grateful for that lesson for the rest of their life. In conclusion, I believe that it is very important for adults to teach children how to live a healthy lifestyle , not only because they have a huge impact on young decisions , but
also
 because they will change their future.
Submitted by zaineajessica on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: