IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days people do not go out for live performances or concerts and they prefer to enjoy watching them on computers and laptops. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #performances #concerts #computers #laptops
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modernised era , everything is available on the internet . Nowadays, most
people
 prefer live
performances
 or concerts watch on a laptop, television and mobile because it is very convenient . I voted against
such
 a viewpoint to a large extent. My given in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with , the convenience and accessibility provided by computers and laptops have revolutionized the way
people
 consumed entertainment . The availability of live
performance
 on the Internet not only save time but
also
 save transportation cost .
Moreover
 , live
concert
 tickets are very expensive , some
people
 can not efforts a higher price , so
this
 is the best way to enjoy live
performances
 at their own houses.
Furthermore
, the live
performance
 stadium is extremely crowded,
therefore
 ,
people
 disabled can not attend a
performance
 .
Consequently
, they watch concerts on laptops or mobiles.
On the contrary
 , the digital platform can not replicate the live one .
Firstly
, the atmosphere being physically present in a
concert
 hall or area is unique . The energy and enthusiasm shared among the audience create an amazing experience which can not give on screen .
Secondly
 , the artist showcases their talent on stage which is unfiltered .
However
 , the digital screen shows the passive experience of the
concert
 or live
performance
 .
Thirdly
 , most live
performances
 are organized by charities or NGOs for the profit of
concert
 charities for those
people
 who needed. In conclusion ,
while
 it is true that an increasing number of
people
 are choosing to enjoy live
performances
 and concerts on the computer . I strongly disagree with the notion that
this
 preferred physical presence unique atmosphere and unfiltered talent on display in live
performance
 cannot be replicated via digital media.
Submitted by jeetkacha13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: