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Writing Samples
Band 5

Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Wars and conflicts over land and money have always
stayed
Verb problem
been
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 a compulsory part of society in the past. Millions of people have lost their lives and belongings in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 race of the leaders who wanted to be immortal by power. A few of them were based on survival
yet
Punctuation problem
, yet
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 most of them were fought just out of greed.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is often believed that if women were given the opportunity to rule
instead
Linking Words
 of men, the world would have been a more peaceful place to live. I highly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as women are always kind-hearted and better in communication skills as compared to their male counterparts. First of all, the biggest relation and emotion on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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earth is motherhood
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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that is
Linking Words
 the best description of women's personalities.
Likewise
Linking Words
, it is instilled in females to be always caring and forgiving towards others.
For example
Linking Words
, even if you
see
Verb problem
look
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 around, you will always find that your mother or sisters are taking care of everyone in the house. The same is applied whenever a woman has been given the power to
rule
Punctuation problem
rule,
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 as she is always more empathetic and will always think about the safety and security of the population first.
Secondly
Linking Words
, females are found to be more convincing when it comes to dialogues.
For instance
Linking Words
, a lot of countries now prefer to employ female foreign ministers as they are better at communication and can resolve conflicts without getting aggressive.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is likely that female leaders are more proactive in
approach
Correct pronoun usage
their approach
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 when it comes to image building of the nation and resolving a deadlock
To conclude
Linking Words
, I would like to say that
this
Linking Words
 soft and fragile gender is actually a survivor and will always be. They are better at bearing the pain and are ready all the time to give their blood and sweat to those whom they love. If they
will be
Wrong verb form
are
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 given a chance to take the lead, our earth will become more accommodating and loving towards
deserved
Wrong verb form
the deserving
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 ones.

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structure
Make a clear plan in the start. Say your view, then give one strong reason per paragraph.
development
Add a view from the other side, even a short one, so the essay shows balance.
example
Give real and short facts or ideas as examples that fit each reason.
language
Link ideas with small words so the read is smooth. Use words like 'also', 'but', 'so' to join ideas.
content
The writer shows a clear view that women can lead to peace.
content
There are reasons given, such as care and good talk, to back the view.
conclusion
A short closing sentence sums up the wish to a kinder world.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender dynamics
  • militaristic policies
  • expansionist
  • diplomatic governance
  • risk-taking
  • societal norms
  • inclusive approach
  • collaborative governance
  • gender stereotypes
  • individual qualities
  • comprehensive approach
  • conflict resolution
  • aggression
  • historical context
  • colonial expansion
  • contemporary
  • male dominance
  • innate differences
  • peaceful governance
  • competitive strategies
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