IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people feel that entertainers such as film stars,pop musicians or sports persons are paid too much money.Do you agree or disagree?which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #persons #money #jobs
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Some individuals hold a view that huge salary has been given to the people who belong to
Correct article usage
the entertainmemnt
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entertainmemnt
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 industry.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with the opinion that there their wages are far more than these could be. There are certain other occupations where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high payment must be rendered. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that the main reason defines celebrities are receiving extra money is that they earn money for a long period of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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single
work
Use synonyms
 as they obtain funds either they just practice or perform.
For instance
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, the cricket players of
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
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 team have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fixed payment figures even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are merely
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 daily.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, entertainers receive desired payment when they perform in live concerts from the organizers.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other government professionals get funds as per government rules. To illustrate it, teachers who contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social
work
Use synonyms
 when the politician
order
Correct subject-verb agreement
orders
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 them,
ministers
Correct word choice
and ministers
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 do not provide anything for tutors' extra hours. There are few other jobs where the employees should receive a decent wage.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the health care workers may do
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
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due to
Linking Words
 the scarcity of staff.
Also
Linking Words
, they put themselves in highly infectious situations.
For example
Linking Words
, during pandemics,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 employees suffer from critical communicable diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 Flu and Covid 19.
Moreover
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, the policemen run behind the criminals
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and get injured
for
Change preposition
apply
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several times.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may have to take leaves from their
work
Use synonyms
 for which they do not obtain any salary or bonus. To exemplify it, one of my policeman
uncle
Change to a plural noun
uncles
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 was receiving $5000 monthly, but he had ambulated his one leg
while
Linking Words
 he was on his duty. These days he is getting nothing from
government
Add an article
the government
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. In conclusion, it
approve
Change the verb form
approves
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 the statement that celebrities are earning more income than they
work
Use synonyms
. There are some professionals who deserve to be more
payable
Correct your spelling
playable
show examples
.
Submitted by rajwinder85913 on

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