IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A noticeable lack of students opting for science subjects at universities is observed in various countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?

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In recent years, a concerning trend has emerged as fewer and fewer pupils choose
science
Use synonyms
 majors at universities around the world. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is caused by the lower salaries and terrible working conditions faced by
scientists
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.
Consequently
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, a
society
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 without sufficient
scientists
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 struggles to develop its technology because of the lack of scientific research. First of all,
scientists
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’ incomes can not afford a qualified life for people nowadays and they endure the high pressure of laboratories.
Thus
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, students have lower motivation to study
science
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 subjects which are likely to become their career in the future.
According to
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 a report in 2022 released by the Taiwan Nation Labor Agency, the revenue of
scientists
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 increased only 1% in the current three years, but the economic inflation was 3%. In brief, teenagers are less attracted to
science
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 subjects
due to
Linking Words
 their financial expectations for the future
Consequently
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 , limited people contribute to the
science
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 fields and that leads to most industries not progressing in
society
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.
Therefore
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, a country could lose the ability to compete with others and face economic challenges in the following years.
For example
Linking Words
, plastic companies depend on chemistry
scientists
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 to research innovative techniques to improve their production.
Otherwise
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, their products faded from the market. In brief, the number of students whose majors in
science
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 are not sufficient
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has a long-term influence on
society
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. In conclusion, students' motivation for choosing
science
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 subjects is influenced by the potential situation of jobs in the future.
Furthermore
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, how many people are devoted to scientific research
also
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 affects the improvement of
society
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure. Sentences and paragraphs need to flow together better to guide the reader through your argument. Use linking words and cohesive devices effectively to improve the connection between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, both could be strengthened. The introduction should more clearly outline the reasons and effects you will discuss, and the conclusion needs to succinctly summarize your main arguments without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are present but not fully developed. Include more detailed explanations and expand on why reduced interest in science subjects leads to specific societal consequences. This expansion will support your main points more convincingly.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is not fully complete. Ensure that you explore both the reasons and effects as the question asks. Consider including a wider range of reasons for the lack of interest in science subjects and discuss more varied effects on society.
Task Achievement
The clarity of ideas could be improved. Ensure each paragraph clearly addresses one main idea and is fully explained. Avoid making broad or unsubstantiated statements.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples is weak. Strengthen your argument by incorporating relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples should be clear and directly related to the argument you're making.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrollment
  • perceived difficulty
  • lack of exposure
  • higher earning potential
  • technological advancement
  • healthcare implications
  • economic consequences
  • educational reforms
  • inspiration
  • early education
  • job security
  • innovation
  • medical advancements
  • scientific expertise
  • shortages
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