IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #society
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People
Use synonyms
 have different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 about community
theseday
Correct your spelling
these day
these days
 becoming more reliable on each other in
society
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 opinion is partly
resonable
Correct your spelling
responsible
reasonable
 in some cases,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-reliant
Replace the word
self-reliance
show examples
 is more popular
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 each
Use synonyms
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 in modern
society
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dependency is very evident in social life in different groups of
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
Add a comma
,companies
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reliant
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 is often seen among
people
Use synonyms
 of lower status,
low
Correct word choice
and low
show examples
 ability
this
Linking Words
 lead to
econimically
Correct your spelling
economically
 self-sufficient
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees. Another example,
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 families, family members are relying each other in many ways like financial support, helping with households so on.
therefore
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
individuals
Use synonyms
 in any
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 of
society
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 have certain dependencies in diverse
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 of life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that each
Use synonyms
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 in the community has become more
consious
Correct your spelling
conscious
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 building their self- reliant. In some countries
such
Linking Words
 as Japan, it is imperative to educate young children to be independent from early age to make sure that they have essential skills to
survival
Replace the word
survive
show examples
. Not only popular in education, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work or in any
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
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 in life,
the number of young
Add the word(s)
but the number of young people also
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people
Use synonyms
 choose
go
Add the particle
to go
show examples
 to big cities to develop and find job opportunities are
dramtic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
. In conclusion, albeit being relied on each other, many
individuals
Use synonyms
 are
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 their self-reliant in the modern
society
Use synonyms
Submitted by xuanbtm on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnectedness
  • globalization
  • digital communication platforms
  • mutual dependency
  • economic globalization
  • international supply chains
  • social validation
  • advancements in technology
  • individualism
  • technological tools
  • smartphones
  • personal computers
  • cultural shift
  • self-sufficiency
  • individualistic attitudes
  • personal achievement
  • self-care
  • interdependency
  • societal structures
  • emotional support
  • underlying foundations
  • human interaction
What to do next:
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