IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #society
People
 have different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 about community
theseday
Correct your spelling
these day
these days
 becoming more reliable on each other in
society
.
While
this
 opinion is partly
resonable
Correct your spelling
responsible
reasonable
 in some cases,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-reliant
Replace the word
self-reliance
show examples
 is more popular
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 in modern
society
. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dependency is very evident in social life in different groups of
people
.
For example
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies
Add a comma
,companies
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reliant
Replace the word
reliance
show examples
 is often seen among
people
 of lower status,
low
Correct word choice
and low
show examples
 ability
this
 lead to
econimically
Correct your spelling
economically
 self-sufficient
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees. Another example,
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 families, family members are relying each other in many ways like financial support, helping with households so on.
therefore
, it can be seen that
individuals
 in any
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 of
society
 have certain dependencies in diverse
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 of life.
On the other hand
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 in the community has become more
consious
Correct your spelling
conscious
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 building their self- reliant. In some countries
such
 as Japan, it is imperative to educate young children to be independent from early age to make sure that they have essential skills to
survival
Replace the word
survive
show examples
. Not only popular in education, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work or in any
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
 in life,
the number of young
Add the word(s)
but the number of young people also
show examples
people
 choose
go
Add the particle
to go
show examples
 to big cities to develop and find job opportunities are
dramtic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
. In conclusion, albeit being relied on each other, many
individuals
 are
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 their self-reliant in the modern
society
Submitted by xuanbtm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnectedness
  • globalization
  • digital communication platforms
  • mutual dependency
  • economic globalization
  • international supply chains
  • social validation
  • advancements in technology
  • individualism
  • technological tools
  • smartphones
  • personal computers
  • cultural shift
  • self-sufficiency
  • individualistic attitudes
  • personal achievement
  • self-care
  • interdependency
  • societal structures
  • emotional support
  • underlying foundations
  • human interaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: