IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that it is beneficial to show foreign films while others feel this can have a negative impact on local culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#believe #show #films #impact #culture
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Most people think that watching another nation's
movies
 has many advantages, but others believe that it has a lot of disadvantages to local culture.
One
 of the enormous advantages of watching foreign
movies
 is learning about new cultures;
on the other hand
, a significant negative impact of other traditional
movies
 is losing national value. I think that it is not bad for national values. On the
one
 hand, new
films
 are made from new perspectives,
a tons
Correct the article-noun agreement
tons
a ton
show examples
 of experiences and
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 made by
film makers
Correct your spelling
film-makers
show examples
, so showing these
movies
 are
one
 of the most significant learning
process
Change to a plural noun
processes
show examples
 of
another nations
Replace the adjective
another nation
other nations
show examples
.
For example
, in Mongolia, there are no interesting kids'
movies
 and
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 physics, maths and other sciences. Only
one
 simple learning
process
 is watching
another scientistic
Replace the adjective
another scientistic movie
other scientistic movies
show examples
movies
 from USA
films
such
 as "A little Einstein" and "I am a little scientist" etcetera. All of these
films
 can improve children's knowledge of science and technology in interesting
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 can affect teenagers' development badly.
For example
,
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 government prohibits some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
movies
 that give dangerous
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 teenagers, like
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea to hurt themselves is cool. Banning negative
movies
 is a good decision for youngsters who haven't enough immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 to protect their mindsets. Many individuals believe that watching other nation's
films
 has a good
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 children's learning
process
.
However
, some of them think that it is a bed for youngsters' brain development. In my opinion, showing and learning
process
 is more important for children who want to learn about a wide range of information from these other nation's
films
.
Submitted by baigalnarantuya1 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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