The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The supplied pie charts illustrate the principal objectives of
people
Use synonyms
divided below and upper 30
years
Use synonyms
old. In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the proportion of achievement at work plays a vital role in both groups.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
people
Use synonyms
under 30, spend most of their consideration on achievement at work which comprises about 31%, in comparison with
people
Use synonyms
over 30 who have 31% of their primary activities in
this
Linking Words
regard.
In addition
Linking Words
, doing hobbies is the second priority in both groups
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under and over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30
years
Use synonyms
old which is 22 and 24 per cent, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
having a good appearance (18%) is the third priority in the group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under 30, financial security is the third primary objective of
people
Use synonyms
who have over the 30
years
Use synonyms
old (20%).
furthermore
Linking Words
, even though,
people
Use synonyms
over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30
years
Use synonyms
old tend to spend their time with their family, the other group like to go travelling (15%).
Submitted by behnam.bakaeian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: