IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer and the poor are even getting poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?

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The disparity in financial circumstances between the rich and the poor grows wider by the day, resulting in an economic
gap
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. In
this
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 particular essay, the cause of
this
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 issue
as well as
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 the solution to decrease the
gap
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 will be discussed.
To begin
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 with, the economic
gap
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 that happens in a country can lead to the inaccessibility of
education
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. In general, only wealthy
people
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 can get access to good
quality
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education
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. It is because of the funds needed to get a good
quality
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education
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.
Therefore
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, poor
people
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 commonly have difficulty in receiving a good
quality
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education
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due to
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 limited funds. They prefer to use their money to fulfil their lives.
According to
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this
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, unprivileged
people
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 usually hard to get a job because of the minimum competencies that they have. They lack enough money to fulfil their lives.
Hence
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, needy
people
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 tend to do criminal activities to get a better life.
This
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 event will affect the risen crime rates in that country. As a response to solving
this
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 issue. Governments need to give good
quality
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education
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 facilities to poor
people
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.
For example
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, governments build a school with free entrance fees and without monthly fees. It will give an opportunity for all needy
people
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 to gain a better
quality
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 of life through
education
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.
Likewise
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, it can reduce the crime rates because they will get a job since their competencies have been increased from
a
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an
show examples
education
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. In a nutshell, the economic
gap
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 is leading to increased crime rates
due to
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 the limited access to
education
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 for poor
people
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. To address
this
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 issue, the government needs to build an
education
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 facility of good
quality
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 for unprivileged
people
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.

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task response
Your essay addresses the task by discussing the problems caused by the widening wealth gap and proposing a solution to reduce the gap. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and clearly state the main points of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear. However, the introduction and conclusion are not fully present, and the connection between ideas could be improved for clearer coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • crime rates
  • wealth inequality
  • social segregation
  • education gap
  • affluent
  • mortality rates
  • uneven access
  • hopelessness
  • disenfranchisement
  • progressive taxation
  • redistribute
  • quality education
  • social programs
  • economic disadvantage
  • higher wages
  • entrepreneurship
What to do next:
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