IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some individuals think that playing a sport which requires teamwork is more
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, several people choose to do
sports
Use synonyms
 individually.
Although
Linking Words
 it is beneficial to enhance teamwork skills
while
Linking Words
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that it is going to be more convenient for us to organize things independently from
others
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 doing workouts, as discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One advantage of doing
sports
Use synonyms
 together within groups is likely to build each other’s ability to work as a team. It is evident that
such
Linking Words
 soft-skill might be gained through the increase of togetherness among
others
Use synonyms
 in order to achieve one goal.
For instance
Linking Words
, those who play volleyball are trained to communicate their strategies effectively before the game begins.
Consequently
Linking Words
, each member will maximize their effort to win against the same competitors.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, doing
sports
Use synonyms
 independently is certainly going to be more efficient. People will not have to depend on the availability of
others
Use synonyms
 when it comes to physical activities. To illustrate, someone’s willingness to go to a gym every weekend without having to wait for
others
Use synonyms
' availability will attain their body goals effectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if one comes to fulfil their commitments consistently, it is more likely to become a regular habit. In conclusion, it is good to obtain teamwork skills
while
Linking Words
 doing
sports
Use synonyms
 at the same time.
However
Linking Words
, I agree that it is crucial to maintain our commitment towards our own health by having a regular workout, without having to rely on other people’s
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, taking care of our physical well-being is our own responsibility.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, try to enhance the introduction by briefly summarizing the advantages of both team and individual sports before stating your preference. This will provide a more balanced overview.
task achievement
Consider providing a bit more depth to your main points; for example, elaborate on how team sports can foster a sense of community or how individual sports can promote self-discipline.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing advantages of both team and individual sports.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with a strong introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is well-supported with relevant examples, which bolster your points effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: