IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Modern technology, such as personal computers and the Internet, have made it possible for many people to do their work from home at least part of the time instead of going to an office every day. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#technology #computers #internet #people #work #home #part #time #office #situation
Nowadays,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of
stat-of-the-art
Correct your spelling
state-of-the-art
show examples
 technology and
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 internet connection would have helped several individuals around the
glove
Correct your spelling
globe
show examples
 to do
work
 from
home
 without going to the office.
Therefore
,
this
 phenomenon will provide various advantages in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 cones.
To begin
 with, an advantageous aspect of
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
,
whereas
 intense
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 enabled humans to do
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
work
thourgh
Correct your spelling
through
though
 out
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
show examples
 range of availability of technology.
However
,
these innovation
Change the determiner
this innovation
these innovations
show examples
 could
also
 apply
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 corporate
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 can companies
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 IT sectors.
For example
,
invention
Add an article
the invention
an invention
show examples
 of
super computers
Correct your spelling
supercomputers
show examples
 with
seamless
Add an article
a seamless
show examples
 experience
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 could give
directly
Change the adverb
direct
show examples
 benefits to employers of the company, which can use Vitaly in
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 of working from
home
.
In addition
,
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 can hire
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 employers around the world in the need of their
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
, and so
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
 would be effective and
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
this
 furious development could
also
 affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
labour industries in multiple ways, yet it will surge negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 for workers.
As a result
, several corporate
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
 could turn to start
release
Wrong verb form
releasing
show examples
 their employees.
Furthermore
, there will be some complications related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 audio, video and internet fluctuation, which would be inevitable to solve in
middle
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
 of important meetings and presentations.
Due to
this
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
 should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 option, whether people are on sick leave or
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of
lockdown
Correct article usage
the lockdown
show examples
 happened.
To sum up
, workers still can schedule their working times based on what they prefer, but
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
 will be more comfortable and cost-effective.
Although
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 depend on individual perspective.
Submitted by user349953 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: