The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The supplied illustrations of
two
charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
show examples
the outcomes of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research about people's activities which make them happy and they are divided into
two
age groups under and over 30 years.
Overall
, it is obvious that
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
differ only in
two
parts of the survey,
this
means that they relish
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different things in
two
dissimilar actions. It is interesting to note that factors
such
as doing hobbies,
successing
Correct your spelling
succeeding
success
at work and other activities are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
for both age groups,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
it is clearly seen that achieving at work brings happiness for both of them more than other mentioned exercises.
However
,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
adults under 30 have a priority on having a good appearance with
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
show examples
rate of 18%,
20
Correct word choice
and 20
show examples
% of people over 30 are inclined on having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better financial security.
Furthermore
, 15% of the younger part would rather go travelling,
while
14% of the
olders
Correct your spelling
older
would rather spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time with their families.
Submitted by amina07id on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: