IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age.

The charts below show the results of a survey of the primary exercise objectives and locations of a selected group of adults between 20 and 50 years of age.
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The supplied illustrations of
two
Use synonyms
 charts
represents
Change the verb form
represent
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 the outcomes of
a
Remove the article
apply
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research about people's activities which make them happy and they are divided into
two
Use synonyms
 age groups under and over 30 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 differ only in
two
Use synonyms
 parts of the survey,
this
Linking Words
 means that they relish
from
Change preposition
apply
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different things in
two
Use synonyms
 dissimilar actions. It is interesting to note that factors
such
Linking Words
 as doing hobbies,
successing
Correct your spelling
succeeding
success
 at work and other activities are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for both age groups,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 it is clearly seen that achieving at work brings happiness for both of them more than other mentioned exercises.
However
Linking Words
,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
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 adults under 30 have a priority on having a good appearance with
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
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 rate of 18%,
20
Correct word choice
and 20
show examples
% of people over 30 are inclined on having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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better financial security.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 15% of the younger part would rather go travelling,
while
Linking Words
 14% of the
olders
Correct your spelling
older
 would rather spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time with their families.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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