Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime

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Many are of the view that ex-convicts get transformed into good

people

Use synonyms

in society, and it is usually suggested that

such

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individuals are the ideal ones to educate young adults on the negative effects of being involved in illegal activity. I totally disagree with the statement because

teenagers

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may not listen to a prisoner's idea and

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also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

other adults like teachers, parents, and the police should rather talk to

teenagers

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. Experience, they say is the best teacher; many believe that an individual who

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

gone through a situation gives a lecture about it.

However

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teenagers

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might not trust a prisoner who has once committed a crime. They may not believe anything they say because they are seen to be bad citizens for doing something illegal.

For instance

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, the teen may be of the notion that why should he or she follow advice from someone who could not obey rules but decided to break them,

this

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might make the

teenagers

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not heed any advice from a past committer of crime,

therefore

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, I disagree that they are the best

people

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to speak to

teenagers

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about the side effects of engaging in crimes.

On the other hand

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teenagers

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can learn about illegal actions and their effects from various sources aside from lawbreakers who might even pose some risks to

people

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because one can not tell if they have indeed changed in a positive way. I believe it is safe for the police to talk to

teenagers

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as they

also

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have experience with crimes and their drawbacks.

For example

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, a seminar can be organized in school for students to be educated on “the life of a criminal” where they can acquire some knowledge.

Additionally

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, teachers and parents can educate

teenagers

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as well. In conclusion, I disagree that

people

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who were once criminals should educate

teenagers

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about their past experiences to prevent them from committing crimes because it might not be effective, but parents can take up that role.

Submitted by obdemawuena on Fri Jul 28 2023

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Task Response

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your ideas more clearly to improve the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to elevate the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range

Demonstrate a wider variety of sentence structures and grammatical forms to enhance grammatical range.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

324 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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