IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many teenagers now have their smartphones. What are the advantages and disadvantages

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In today's society, many youngsters become more frequent smartphone users just as it . Smartphone usage has become indispensable in modern life. There are benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 issue which I will explain more below. First of all, the benefit of youngsters using
smartphones
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 is the ability to stay connected with family and acquaintances via messaging applications and video calling applications on social
media
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 platforms.
For instance
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, when young people are away from home, parents can monitor them via
smartphones
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, facilitating easier communication over long distances.
Thus
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, they can communicate both individually and in groups as needed.
Moreover
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,
this
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 includes memorable sharing moments and experiences in
this
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 modern world; they can swiftly and directly share photos, videos, and daily stories. on It is evident that social
media
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 platforms
such
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 as Instagram stories or WhatsApp statuses keep , keeping their parents and friends informed about their activities.
However
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, we must not overlook the drawbacks that could arise. The use of
smartphones
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 in messaging apps and social
media
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 without prudent usage can lead to terrible consequences.
For example
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, improper use of social
media
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 and messaging applications can lead to issues of oversharing and privacy concerns. Other examples can be seen; cyberbullying appears widespread on social
media
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due to
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 inadequate understanding of its proper use.
Additionally
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, instances of online fraud cause significant material and psychological harm to those targeted through social
media
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 or messaging platforms.
AdditionallyMoreover
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Additionally
, there is a potential loss of face-to-face communication skills as individuals rely more on digital interactions rather than in-person communication. In conclusion,
smartphones
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 have become a crucial tool for connecting today's youth, offering numerous conveniences.
Nevertheless
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, improper usage can
also
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 result in consequences.

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What works well

3
task response

You provide relevant and specific examples that help to substantiate your ideas, such as mentioning Instagram stories and WhatsApp statuses for sharing moments and experiences.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic, which makes it easy to follow.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are presented effectively, clearly stating the intent and summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task response

Your essay addresses the prompt very well by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers having smartphones. However, some sentences could benefit from rephrasing for clearer expression. For instance, "Other examples can be seen; cyberbullying appears widespread on social media due to inadequate understanding of its proper use." could be rephrased as: "Another example is the prevalence of cyberbullying on social media due to a lack of understanding of its proper use."

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, be cautious of minor grammatical errors and improper punctuation. For instance, in the sentence, "Moreover, this includes memorable sharing moments and experiences in this modern world; they can swiftly and directly share photos, videos, and daily stories," the phrase 'on It is evident that social media platforms...' seems out of place and should be revised.

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