IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays children are being encouraged to use computers and digital media to enhance their learning. Discuss the Advantages and disadvantages of this concept

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It is clear that
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 computers and digital media have gained popularity in education in recent years.
Although
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 the trend is not without disadvantages, I believe the upsides can justify these. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks to
this
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 growing trend.
First,
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there are thousands of video games or other entertainment at their disposal on the Internet, which are addictive to children in nature, leading to poor academic performance. In fact, students who are addicted to games often have low learning scores since they tend to ignore homework or even skip school.
Second,
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higher screen time means children would engage less in physical or outdoor activity, making them more susceptible to a number of health issues.
For example
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, inadequate exercise or physical inactivity can lead to many noncommunicable diseases like heart disease and stroke.
On the other hand
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, online learning can be beneficial to young people in many different ways. One of the most compelling benefits is that students are now able to have access to a much wider range of knowledge thanks to the Internet.
For instance
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, a student who is keen on psychology can register for online courses delivered by prominent psychologists from other countries where
this
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 major is highly developed.
In addition
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, social media platforms have enabled excellent global communication. It is now possible to connect with users from all around the world through Facebook or Twitter, allowing a student to exchange large amounts of information and develop better cross-cultural understanding, which can be particularly valuable in our increasingly globalized society. In short, the trend has both potential drawbacks and benefits.
However
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, I believe the advantages are more significant since children can develop to a great extent by using computers and digital platforms to enhance their learning.

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of using computers and digital media in education. Provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the advantages and disadvantages in equal measure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion and the main points discussed are well-supported with relevant examples. Maintain consistency in discussing the advantages and disadvantages throughout the essay, enhancing overall coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and effectively conveys the writer's ideas. Use a wider variety of vocabulary to further enrich the writing and demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
There is a good range of grammatical structures used, but be mindful of sentence structure and ensure accurate and varied use of complex sentences to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • multimedia content
  • flexible and comprehensive education
  • interactive learning
  • knowledge retention
  • over-reliance
  • traditional learning skills
  • screen time
  • health impacts
  • cybersecurity risks
  • digital divide
  • inappropriate content
  • supervised learning
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