Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events

Most

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apply

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people

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apply

show examples

all over the world are using social networking sites

everytime

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every time

show examples

to be connected to other individuals and get some

news

about occasions.

This

writter

Correct your spelling

writer

belives

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believes

show examples

that these advantages

outweight

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outweigh

the

disadvantage

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disadvantages

show examples

of addiction

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show examples

the

internet

. The most advantageous factor of a connection with other

people

is that it can help their relationship become better than ever.

In other words

people

will have

intimacy

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intimate

show examples

realationship

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relationship

relationships

with others who know about them.

This

is true that when one person in

family

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the family

show examples

or friend

have

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has

show examples

to go far to study or work, they are very hard to go to their

home

regularly, so they will use social

media

zalo

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Zalo

show examples

messager

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Messenger

show examples

to call video or chat with their family. It

help

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helps

show examples

they can share their life and talk

togerther

Correct your spelling

together

whereas

living in

a new areas

Correct the article-noun agreement

new areas

a new area

show examples

Thus

, social

media

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

conveniences

Replace the word

convenient

show examples

to make

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for making

show examples

phone

with

people

who live very far

Rephrase

away.

show examples

Another significant advantage of using social

network

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networks

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

getting

news

of occasions

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apply

show examples

around the world.

People

can get

news

about music concerts, festivals and anything

Correct pronoun usage

that are

show examples

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

celebrated through apps or websites

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show examples

social

media

For example

, when appeared covid-19, everyone

can

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could

show examples

not go out

their

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of their

show examples

home

so they

stay

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stayed

show examples

in their

home

and

update

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updated

show examples

information about

covid-19

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

show examples

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show examples

their

phone

Though

Correct your spelling

Through

show examples

the

phone

, they can get

advide

Correct your spelling

advice

Change preposition

from

show examples

doctors and

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

about the disease.

However

, when using social

media

Replace the word

too

show examples

much,

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can lead to

addicted

Replace the word

addiction to

show examples

something on the

internet

This

is appeared

Wrong verb form

appears

show examples

in every age

groups

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group

show examples

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

specially

Replace the word

especially

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

children

anf teernagers

Correct your spelling

and teenagers

. These will

happen

Verb problem

cause

show examples

many problems in their life.

For instance

, the children and

teernagers

Correct your spelling

teenagers

will waste time on playing games or

suffing

Correct your spelling

surfing

the

internet

all day. They go

home

and just take the

phone

without doing anything

include

Change the form of the verb

including

show examples

their homework.

With

Change preposition

For

show examples

the

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

reason, their scores will

become

Verb problem

apply

show examples

go down and they will feel access to the

internet

is more

interested

Replace the word

interesting

show examples

than

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

at school. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of keeping in touch with others and getting

news

event

Fix the agreement mistake

events

show examples

are outweigh

Wrong verb form

outweighs

show examples

the

disadvantage

Fix the agreement mistake

disadvantages

show examples

of addiction

the

Change preposition

to the

show examples

internet

. But using too much the

internet

also

have

Verb problem

show examples

not good for

Correct pronoun usage

their healthy

show examples

healthy

Replace the word

health

show examples

specially

Replace the word

especially

show examples

their

Change preposition

for their

show examples

eyes.

Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on Mon Mar 18 2024

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task achievement

Begin by clearly explaining the topic and stating your opinion in the introduction. This will make your stance clear from the outset.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly relates to the question asked. Develop this idea fully with explanations and examples before moving on to the next point.

coherence cohesion

Work on the structure of your essay. Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Use clear topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. While it's clear what you're trying to say, mistakes can make your essay harder to understand. Practice using a variety of sentence structures and check your writing for errors before finishing.

coherence cohesion

Use conjunctions and connective phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make your writing more fluid and easier to follow.

task achievement

Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and clearly restating your opinion. A strong conclusion will leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
64Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

363 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

facilitate
geographically separated
fostering
connectivity
instant communication
real-time information
misinformation
rigorous checks and balances
fake news
addictive nature
detract
face-to-face interactions
mental health
awareness of limitations

What to do next:

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, as it is a limited resource, while others say that it should not be regulated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.