Many people believe money is very important factor to achieve happiness. Others however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness

Life

expectancy and

happiness

are discussed more in our modern age . One camp has associated

happiness

with

money

while

the other camp has negated the link between

happiness

and

money

. In

this

essay , I will expand on both aspects and give a balanced opinion.

First,

we have to admit that

happiness

is a relative term; meaning that what might make someone happy doesn't necessarily mean the other person will be happy. The rich people and celebrities especially do emphasise over time that

money

does not buy you

happiness

and it's ,not the thing that we should build our lives around. Many celebrities do suffer from depression and their stories are all over the internet , some might be running a campaign for charity hoping to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

life

Conversely

, for unfortunate people who suffer from financial crisis, their optimal desire is

money

for example

to buy a house , land or even to pay medical expenses. These dreams are legit and basics for all humans , which can only be achieved through

money

. In my opinion, contentment is a blessing and we should

ought

Remove a modal verb

apply

show examples

towards a balanced

life

. Running after gathering

money

while

losing a precious moment of time does not equate. we should struggle against our material desires, but at the same

time

Add a comma

,time

show examples

we should not take an excessive approach like asceticism from everything.

for example

, having a stable

life

is an ultimate blessing and that idea should always be there on top of our minds as we are better than many others in

this

world. melting into materialism is a very

dangers

Replace the word

dangerous

show examples

road and throughout ,history no one survived it.

to conclude

happiness

is a relative thing just like many other things in

life

. We should be patient

while

working for our future success but without excessiveness or losing ourselves to our

materialist

Replace the word

materialistic

show examples

desires.

Submitted by scalp_mundane0r on Sat Jul 29 2023

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thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

308 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe money is very important factor to achieve happiness. Others however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You recently stayed at a hotel for a conference with your company and there were several problems with your room. Write to the hotel management to complain. Include • Where you stayed • What the problems were • How they can fix your complaints

In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the Internet. Do you think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

some people said professionals such as doctors or engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training while other said they should be free to work in another country Task DISCUSES BOTH GROUP AND SAY YOUR IDEA