Many people believe money is very important factor to achieve happiness. Others however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. discuss both views and give your opinion.
Life
expectancy and happiness
are discussed more in our modern age . One camp has associated happiness
with money
, while
the other camp has negated the link between happiness
and money
. In this
essay , I will expand on both aspects and give a balanced opinion.
First,
we have to admit that happiness
is a relative term; meaning that what might make someone happy doesn't necessarily mean the other person will be happy. The rich people and celebrities especially do emphasise over time that money
does not buy you happiness
and it's ,not the thing that we should build our lives around. Many celebrities do suffer from depression and their stories are all over the internet , some might be running a campaign for charity hoping to fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
life
. Conversely
, for unfortunate people who suffer from financial crisis, their optimal desire is money
. for example
to buy a house , land or even to pay medical expenses. These dreams are legit and basics for all humans , which can only be achieved through money
.
In my opinion, contentment is a blessing and we should ought
towards a balanced Remove a modal verb
apply
life
. Running after gathering money
while
losing a precious moment of time does not equate. we should struggle against our material desires, but at the same time
we should not take an excessive approach like asceticism from everything. Add a comma
,time
for example
, having a stable life
is an ultimate blessing and that idea should always be there on top of our minds as we are better than many others in this
world. melting into materialism is a very dangers
road and throughout ,history no one survived it.
Replace the word
dangerous
to conclude
, happiness
is a relative thing just like many other things in life
. We should be patient while
working for our future success but without excessiveness or losing ourselves to our materialist
desires.Replace the word
materialistic
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite