Many people believe money is very important factor to achieve happiness. Others however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #factor #happiness

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Life

Use synonyms

expectancy and

happiness

Use synonyms

are discussed more in our modern age . One camp has associated

happiness

Use synonyms

with

money

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

the other camp has negated the link between

happiness

Use synonyms

and

money

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay , I will expand on both aspects and give a balanced opinion.

First,

Linking Words

we have to admit that

happiness

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is a relative term; meaning that what might make someone happy doesn't necessarily mean the other person will be happy. The rich people and celebrities especially do emphasise over time that

money

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does not buy you

happiness

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and it's ,not the thing that we should build our lives around. Many celebrities do suffer from depression and their stories are all over the internet , some might be running a campaign for charity hoping to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

life

Use synonyms

Conversely

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, for unfortunate people who suffer from financial crisis, their optimal desire is

money

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for example

Linking Words

to buy a house , land or even to pay medical expenses. These dreams are legit and basics for all humans , which can only be achieved through

money

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. In my opinion, contentment is a blessing and we should

ought

Remove a modal verb

apply

show examples

towards a balanced

life

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. Running after gathering

money

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while

Linking Words

losing a precious moment of time does not equate. we should struggle against our material desires, but at the same

time

Add a comma

,time

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we should not take an excessive approach like asceticism from everything.

for example

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, having a stable

life

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is an ultimate blessing and that idea should always be there on top of our minds as we are better than many others in

this

Linking Words

world. melting into materialism is a very

dangers

Replace the word

dangerous

show examples

road and throughout ,history no one survived it.

to conclude

Linking Words

happiness

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is a relative thing just like many other things in

life

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. We should be patient

while

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working for our future success but without excessiveness or losing ourselves to our

materialist

Replace the word

materialistic

show examples

desires.

Submitted by scalp_mundane0r on Sat Jul 29 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Many people believe money is very important factor to achieve happiness. Others however, believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Scientists predict that all people will choose to speak the same global language in the future. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

To conclude, having too many toys will help the children to grow faster but it will have drawbacks which need to be antisipated.

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is common that in many companies people from different ages work together in a same team. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantges?