IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people feel that playing computer games has a negative impact on children's health and social skills. Other say that it can have a positive impact on their lives. Discuss both these views.

#people #computer #games #impact #children #health #skills #lives
Nowadays, the widespread availability of computers has led to an increase in the number of
children
 playing
computer
games
.
Although
 some
people
 believe that playing
computer
games
 affect on young generation's physical
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
show examples
 and communication skills, other
people
 support the idea,
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it can provide educational benefits. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and outline why I feel gaming needs to be minimised. One of the major negative impacts of young
people
 playing
computer
games
 is the potential for addiction.
Children
 can be so engrossed in gaming and it causes communication problems. In fact, some kids are struggling with making friends at school as they always spend their time
to play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games
 on their own. The other disadvantage is playing
games
 on the screens for a long time
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
raise
Change the verb form
raising
show examples
children
's health issues
such
 as eye strain or lack of physical activities. Unfortunately,
this
 creates a possibility of becoming
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
obesity and diabetes.
Therefore
, many
people
 especially, parents are against their
children
to play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
computer
games
.
However
, few
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that playing
computer
games
 can have a positive effect on
children
's lives. It is because it helps them to not only gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
 skills but
also
 learn how to socialise with other
people
 through the
games
.
For example
, playing a fighting game with strangers from different countries has become a trend and
this
 has been a huge help to learn other languages for many young students.
Hence
,
people
 think that online
games
 are essential to
educate
Change the verb form
educating
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. In conclusion,
while
computer
games
 can be a source of education, excessive gaming can have drawbacks on
children
's health and social skills were discussed. In my opinion, playing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
games
 online should be minimised as it is so addictive and creates serious physical problems.
Therefore
, when kids
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
computer
games
, their parents have to ensure to
monitoring
Wrong verb form
monitor
show examples
 them properly to prevent
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 be excessively.
Submitted by keiko_o_1209 on

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