IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for our answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #health #future
Heath is the most important thing to having a great life.
However
, most
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 generation
doesn't
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 care about
there heath
Correct your spelling
their health
show examples
 body. I totally
,
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apply
show examples
 agree with
this
 statement that in the present
people
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people's
show examples
 health will decline. I would like to discuss
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reasons in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, most
people
 are eating four or up to six
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 a day without
stoping
Correct your spelling
stopping
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. And, we noticed the total fat average rates are increasing.
For example
, my friend Mike his
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 meals are
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 and pizza.
While
,
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apply
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 I am watching TV with my friend Mike he just ordered five chicken burgers with two Cola drinks. I got shocked when I saw what he just ordered.
Moreover
, I told my friend Mike to stop eating fast foods because
,
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apply
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thats
Correct your spelling
that
that's
 might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 his health and body.
Secondly
, the other reason those humans
that
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apply
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stay
at
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in
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 bed for a long time with their own phones or playing video games and without going outside home to
breath
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breathe
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 fresh air and get vitamin D
form
Correct your spelling
from
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 the sun.
For instance
, my small brother loves to play video games 24 hours
no
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 stop
instead
,
going
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of going
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see
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to see
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 the environment.
Furthermore
, with
this
generation
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,generation
show examples
 the health average will be lower in the future.
Finally
, we must know how to balance the meals we eat
a
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
 day
,
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apply
show examples
 and move away the junk food that
contain
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contains
show examples
 a lot of fats.
In addition
,
people
 must avoid the
the
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apply
show examples
cellphones or video games because
,
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apply
show examples
 it's
type
Add an article
a type
the type
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 of addiction that may
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children or adults.
Submitted by hamoudisayyah on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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