IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In recent years many countries have restricted where smoking is allowed. For example, smoking is often banned in restaurants. Some people believe that smoking should be allowed everywhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Along with
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 the growing of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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active smoker number in society, many countries have implemented
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 for
this
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 case including where the permitting place
people
Use synonyms
 could
smoke
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. On the other side, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that smoking could be anywhere.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 point of view as I believe countries must regulate it to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 responsible individuals and maintain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public health. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 need space to refresh their minds. Smoking is one of the activities that some individuals engage in.
Due to
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 the pressure of working life, especially in metropolitan
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
, some employees choose to socialize in café or
restaurant
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restaurants
show examples
 after work and they
also
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smoke
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. In my opinion, it is part of good awareness if we please
other
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others
show examples
 to
smoke
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 anywhere they want.
Furthermore
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, we do not need to care about other
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 business even if they fall
serious
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seriously
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 ill, we should not have to cover their medical expenses.
On the other hand
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, many countries apply strict
regulation
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regulations
show examples
 for smoking
area
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areas
show examples
 and as
a
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apply
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responsible
citizen
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citizens
show examples
,
people
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 must obey
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
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, In Singapore, individuals face a fine
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 10 dollars for smoking in prohibited places.
Whereas
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 we can spend that money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other good things
such
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 as helping poor
people
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.
Additionally
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, in some research, it is evident that passive
smoker
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smokers
show examples
 could suffer worse health
consequence
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consequences
show examples
 than
an
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apply
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active
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
people
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 need to
smoke
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 where the place
allowed
Add a missing verb
is allowed
show examples
 to prevent and protect others. Smoking anywhere could provide certain
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
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 for
individual
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individuals
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 who need
a
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apply
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enjoyment but it
also
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 could risk to public health
due to
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 the
smoke
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. In conclusion, permitting smoking in the designated area offers a bigger advantage for society as a whole.

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