Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

It is considered that

music

can be a connecting bridge between

people

of all nationalities and ages. Personally, I completely agree with

this

opinion for several reasons. First of all, there are scientific

evidences

Change the wording

evidence

pieces of evidence

shreds of evidence

show examples

that

music

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

people

happiness. To be specific,

people

might forget about some difficulties in life for a

while

via listening to

music

. The main reason for

this

is that they relax

while

listening to

music

and hormones of happiness, called

endorphines

Correct your spelling

endorphins

, are produced, as well. These factors help

people

to socialise well with each other if they have the same taste, not considering nationality or age. Individuals of different cultures and ages might have similar

taste

Fix the agreement mistake

tastes

show examples

music

Therefore

, they can relax and dance, listening to

music

, together.

Furthermore

people

can demonstrate their cultural identity via

music

. What I mean is that they can share some national

songs

with

people

another nationalities

Replace the adjective

another nationality

other nationalities

show examples

For instance

, the programme, named Eurovision allows

people

from Europe

illustrate

Fix the infinitive

to illustrate

show examples

their culture with

songs

on TV screens.

This

programme is extremely popular

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

millions of

people

around the world gather in order to

listen

Add the preposition

tolisten

show examples

songs

of all the

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

Moreover

music

is able to bring

people

of different ages together.

For example

, nowadays, old

songs

are becoming favourable among youngsters because their parents and grandparents listen to these

songs

Likewise

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation can acquaintance older

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

with modern

music

. In

this

way

Add a comma

,way

show examples

music

might be a connection between generations. In conclusion,

power

Correct article usage

the power

show examples

music

is invaluable.

Hence

, I totally agree that

people

can be brought together by

music

whether they are of the same nation and age or not.

Submitted by madinatagybergen6 on Sat Jul 29 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many schools these days have problems with poor student behaviour. Why do you think these problems occur? What could be done to tackle these problems?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?