IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

#someone #luck
There is an extremely interesting question has been highlighted
in
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on
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 the topic. Indeed, some
people
 assert that all achievements of
sucsessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
people
 are caused
be
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by
show examples
 luck,
whereas
 many others
believes
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believe
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 in
honest
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honesty
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 and hard work. As for me, I prefer the
later
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latter
show examples
views
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view
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.
The discussions
Correct article usage
Discussions
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 about almost every famous and
sucsessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 person are popular in
a
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apply
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modern society. Lots of
people
 choose to believe in luck and miracle pill which will lead them to
sucsess
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success
.
Moreover
, some of them
spends
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spend
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the
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their
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 entire
life
 feeling
jeleus
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jealous
 and
unfare
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unfair
 and
dies
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die
show examples
 in misery,
instead
 of just trying to do something. I assume, that
this
 point of view is useless and
horible
Correct your spelling
horrible
.
Furthermore
,
this
 direction of
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
 only indicates the weakness of the individual.
On the contrary
, there are a lot of
people
 in the world, who do not care about their
tallent
Correct your spelling
talent
, and we could find plenty of evidence for
this
 perspective from our own
life
. Really, almost all of the greatest businessmen, inventors, actors, and writers gain their fame by the
ehnomorus
Correct your spelling
enormous
 amount of time
spending
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spent
show examples
 on their profession.
For example
, look at Bill Gates, who worked for more than 10 hours every day.
In addition
, you can remember the
greates
Correct your spelling
greatest
great
 artist Van Gogh, who spends most part of his
life
painiting
Correct your spelling
painting
. To summarise, I would concede, that I do not agree with the importance of luck. If I could choose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what to believe, I would
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 pick the way of hard work.
This
 approach demonstrates the freedom of
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 and the power of managing your own
life
.
Submitted by li_istomina on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
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