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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
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It has been a point of contention as to whether the justice system should penalize an under-aged child or
instead
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 punish the
parents
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 for it.
While
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 there are cases in which
parents
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 ought to be held accountable for their children's actions, in the majority of instances the one who committed the atrocity is to be brought to justice. There are cases to consider where
parents
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 are directly responsible for their offspring's wrongdoings and
as a result
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, should be punished for that. Many studies have illustrated the
influence
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 of bad parental behaviours
such
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 as severe
torcher
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torture
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 or lack of paying adequate attention to their kids, resulting in the manifestation of criminal action in their future adulthood.
For instance
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, the majority of drug abusers confess the role of mistreatment by at least one of their
parents
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 in their addiction.
By contrast
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, the positive
influence
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 of family members is often associated with success and improvement and forming a powerful will towards not pursuing a criminal future.
However
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, I would argue that most of these underaged criminals are behaving evilly because of reasons other than their
parents
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. Most of the time, in spite of
parents
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' efforts towards cultivating a person who is a law-abiding citizen, their attempts would be undermined by external forces like peer pressure
or
Correct word choice
apply
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the
influence
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 of society or simply a violent trait. As a case in point, the majority of murderers who committed the crime
due to
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 behaving angrily often pointed out their temperament as a characteristic that caused the incident.
Hence
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, there are many factors that can cause a crime, which can not be
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as
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apply
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a result of a parent's actions. In conclusion,
while
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 family's
influence
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 on individuals can lead to criminal behaviour in some cases, I believe that children's attitudes and inside traits
as well as
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 societal impacts are the main drivers of committing crime making it reasonable for the justice system to merely punish the felon.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the key points and stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear and structured approach to present the ideas, ensuring logical sequencing and smooth transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and detailed explanations to support the ideas, ensuring they are directly relevant to the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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