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Band 4.5

Nowadays there is an increase in people with an unhealthy diet and not doing enough physical exercises. What do you think might be the reason? What can be done to encourage people to have a healthier lifestyle?

#people #diet #exercises #reason #lifestyle
In the modern era, people are more workaholics, they do not have enough
time
 to take care of themselves
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they consume unhealthy food and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
continuously skip their morning routine
for example
; morning walk and exercise. The main reason is that pupils do not follow the appropriate diet
due to
 their busy schedules. At present, most people doing jobs because their financial status depends on work. Even though, they tried to complete all the necessary tasks during working hours for a better future except for the health routine.
For example
;
last
 month
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducted
show examples
 a health survey in which they found almost 80 per cent generation consumes an unhealthy diet and ignores the importance of exercise.
Furthermore
, technology plays a crucial role in people's lives because almost everyone
attracts
Wrong verb form
is attracted
show examples
 towards mobile phones and social media. They spend their precious day scrolling down their phone screens
for watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
 meaningless things like; violent movies. They spend hours and hours on mobile and skip their meals.
For example
; if a person usually has a morning snack at 8 am but if he using his Mobile to watch social media, he will skip his snack routine and
then
 delay his lunch as well. I think mankind needs to prepare their weekly plan and most important they need to work on their
time
 management skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because if they manage their
time
 and perform all the important tasks on
time
 they will remain healthy. As well a timetable will help them to recall that
this
time
 they should have their meals and exercise.
Submitted by jagveerkaur268 on

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task achievement
The response doesn't fully address the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear organization and coherence between ideas.
lexical resource
Lexical resource is limited and could be improved with a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range
Grasp of grammatical structures is basic and needs improvement for a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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