In some places, old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Both adults and young individuals have a role to play in their country. In some nations, elders are treated as a significant aspect of society
while
the younger generation is appreciated in other areas.
This
essay will examine both viewpoints and
subsequently
advocate the latter view. On one hand, possessing experiences and comprehensive knowledge of elderly people has uplifted their position in the public.
This
is because the accumulation of different life-related skills
such
as resolving problems and deciding solutions has expanded their horizons.
Thus
,
such
gained wisdom is crucial for the orientation and guidance of the young generation to the correct path.
For example
, in many multi-millionaire organizations, the director board is guided by a senior person, who is an expert in the field, where his experiences and competencies are treated as paramount than a
youth
in the same position.
Therefore
, elders have
owned
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a high level of consideration in society
On the other hand
, youths have been given a high priority.
To begin
with, a main reason for
this
tendency is
the
Change the word
their
show examples
physical and mental potentialities
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
which play a pivotal role in the country’s development,
whereas
many senior individuals may lag behind. Many employers,
for instance
, are often inclined to recruit a young workforce owing to the efficiency and productivity in the workplace resulting in them being treated in high demand.
Moreover
, the competence in dealing with state-of-the-art technological aspects has offered a leading place for the
youth
. In Singapore,
for example
, young IT entrepreneurs contribute a considerable amount of the total revenue of the country which makes the young generation considered a valuable source of those nations. From my perspective, the progression of a country is often based on the innovative minds and strengths of workers who can be synchronized with the contemporary world resulting in the
youth
often playing the key role.
Hence
, I opine that the
youth
is of
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
over
Change preposition
than
show examples
the old. In conclusion,
while
some consider senior citizens significant based on their self experiences, others advocate for young people
due to
their strength and updated skills. In my view, it is more advantageous to incline towards the
youth
than elders.
Submitted by drasikad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples. However, the focus on youth being important is stronger than the discussion of the value of old age.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, and the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented. However, the balance between the two viewpoints could be improved to provide a more balanced argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: