Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Recently, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
a contentious argument over whether toddlers should possess hands-on experience prior to their academic years,
while
others contend
to view
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that wisdom gained during the adolescent period has a prodigious effect on their eventual growth. In my perspective, the latter proposition appears to be more rational.
This
essay will
further
elaborate my viewpoints for favouring the positive and negative impact of both trends and
thus
will derive a conclusion
at the end
.
Firstly
, to commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in its favour but the most preponderant one stems from the fact that people claim
gaining
Change the verb form
to gain
show examples
experiences
before signing school would lead to better subsequent growth for kids. It is true that children perceive new information swifter than adults. So if their parents attempt to inculcate moral values in their wards,
such
as compassion, empathy, etc, they are more likely to mature and become reliable residents in not too distant future. To cite an example, in some countries like America, numerous children not just
only joining
Wrong verb form
join
show examples
school but
also
for bread and butter
due to
their financial circumstances.
Secondly
, moving towards to argument against
this
debate is that harsh struggle at early ages sometimes leads to plenty of issues
such
as the basic right of a child is suffering a time that was for studying spent on earning.
Furthermore
, forcing a child to obtain
experiences
is too challenging, as they are too young to completely understand moral values after
such
a difficult period. In spite of all the merits that people point out, I still hold the view that the teenage phase is an optical time for gaining
experiences
for their forthcoming careers.
Lastly
, to recapitulate
according to
the arguments mentioned above one can reach a conclusion, in my opinion, I firmly believe that getting hands-on
experiences
before school years is an optimal method to benefit children's near future.
Submitted by anhthu3826 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the main topic and provides a preview of the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples to support your ideas. It's important to include relevant and specific examples to enhance the clarity and depth of your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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