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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

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It has been a point of contention as to whether scientists should be authorised to study a child's progress as an examination of underlying causes for criminality.
Although
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 genes have been brought up as one of the likelihoods for them moving towards a criminal attitude, I believe that the role of a family is far more crucial in their future evil tendencies.
In addition
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, regardless of the chief root of atrocity, psychological therapy could be effective in preventing children from growing to become a criminal. Genetics would be wrongly considered as a root for criminal conduct, especially when a rare case of wrongdoer appeared, whom the environment that they grow up in, is somewhat normal contrary to regular criminals. In the majority of instances, criminals come from violent families, where their experience would later manifest in the form of exerting power and dominance over others.
However
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, sometimes other factors
such
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 as social impacts or peer pressure result in the same implications, which will later be misapprehended as the consequence of genetics.
Hence
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, an individual's traits are often the result of numerous factors, which will be misread as genetic's impact on the person's behaviour.
Moreover
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, psychology has provided a range of treatments in order to prevent children from becoming a felon. Scientists in
this
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 field of study can give useful suggestions for the offspring's upbringing to guide them toward raising a law-abiding citizen.
For instance
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, a number of states in the United States have designated supervisors in the schools to monitor the children and report any sign of misdemeanour.
This
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 report will later be used to suggest the targeted kids to a corresponding psychologist so that they can be worked on and eventually, prevent them from forming that negative characteristic. In conclusion, genetics cannot be an appropriate reason for criminality as there are numerous other factors that can shape our characteristics.
Further
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, Despite the underlying cause for kids to become evil, psychology can assist
to prevent
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in preventing
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 a bad habit from developing as soon as
being
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it is
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 diagnosed early.

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task response
The essay provides a partial response to the prompt. The discussion on genetics and its role in criminal behavior is somewhat limited, and there is a lack of a clear stance on the issue. The essay should provide a more thorough examination of the prompt and clearly present the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally effective, with the presence of an introduction and conclusion. However, the development of main points is somewhat lacking. The essay would benefit from more cohesion in connecting ideas and providing stronger support for the main points.
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