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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents wor

Children
Use synonyms
 these days spend a
lot
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 of time apart from their
parents
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 because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 many homes, both
parents
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 work. What problem can be caused by
this
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? What are some ways to support
such
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children
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? The widespread problem of
children
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 is spending a
lot
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 of time apart from their
parents
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 because of the career of
parents
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.
This
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 essay will analyse the principal problems of
children
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 without attention from their
parents
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 and offer some solutions to tackle the issue. The main problems caused by working
parents
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. Because of their full-time
job
Add a comma
,job
show examples
 a
lot
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 of kids stay without attention. They can lose the connection between the child and
Use synonyms
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
.
Also
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, some
children
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 would not understand the position of them.
This
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 can lead to a terrible relationship. Especially, if he or she is the only child in the family.
Furthermore
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, it is loneliness which can lead to psychological treatments. There are a
lot
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 of consequences
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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.
For instance
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can be unsociable and suspended in the future.
However
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, there are some solutions to
this
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 issue. Extracurricular activities can give kids a sense of bond with friends
instead
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 of their
parents
Use synonyms
. Rather than wasting the rest of their day waiting for their mothers and fathers at home after school, learning something beneficial with their peers is likely to help the youths to alleviate the feeling of loneliness.
Moreover
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, they can make friends to play outdoor or indoor games.
For example
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, if the child feels lonely he just can invite to walk or play.
In addition
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, there are various
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 games where they can mix entertainment and physical activity. In conclusion, even though it is obvious that for offspring, spending less time with their family can lead to a lack of care.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 can be dealt with by extracurricular activities with their classmates.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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