Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a common belief that nowadays teenagers have to face up to the accepted and validated by their friends or peers.In my perspective, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand,a notable upside is that peer pressure may motivate young people
into discovering
Change preposition
to discover
show examples
new interests that they may not have considered
otherwise
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
means,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
they have pressure
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
their fellow millennials they will try their best day by day.To illustrate, after seeing photos of their peers at the gym, an adolescent might feel encouraged to take part in similar physical exercises, which is helpful for their physical health in turn.
Besides
Linking Words
young people usually take others, especially with whom they have close intimacy, as role models.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if peers can set a good example for their counterparts, they will probably achieve improvement in both academic and social aspects.When teenagers look at their friends get successful they will
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
an effort to keep up with them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the negative should not be overshadowed by the positive. It is worth mentioning that the stress originating from a comparison among children would make them feel inferior to others, which leads to the fear of expressing themselves
as well as
Linking Words
potential self-distancing from family and friends.
This
Linking Words
can be an alarming issue as the worst consequence that may follow is suicide. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
peer pressure can
prove
Verb problem
be
show examples
conceived by supporting motivation, it is extremely tiny when compared to its multitude of drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay adequately addresses the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue. However, the response could be more comprehensive, addressing both advantages and disadvantages in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing the essay. The essay demonstrates clear coherence and cohesive use of linking words and phrases. However, some improvement can be made in organizing the supporting points for better clarity and impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: