Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

Some
kids
use their devices for hours every day, nowadays with drastic technological development it is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
very common for
children
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
smartphones.
Although
we could say that on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
positive side
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
are learning new things every day at their fingertip but it
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
makes them
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
like games and videos. If we look back a few decades ago when we were a child, we do not even know what
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
is we will be contacting our friends through
landline
Correct article usage
the landline
show examples
or through
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
our parents’
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
we
Correct word choice
and we
show examples
had very limited media of communication for knowing any current affairs, but
kids
nowadays know all the information digitally through their smart gadgets, by
these
Add a comma
,these
show examples
they are exploring and learning new things.
Children
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
innovative and creative ideas through these smart devices.
For example
, BYJU’s an online application platform which
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
kids
who
studies
Change the verb form
study
show examples
kinder garden can do their schooling online just with one smartphone. Admittedly,
Usage
Correct article usage
the Usage
show examples
of smartphones
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact on
kids
.
By
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
growing trend of technology even though
kids
learn new things from
this
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
makes them
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
by spending more time on
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
show examples
, adding to which results in having eyesight problems at a very small age.
Children
use more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social platforms which
enabling
Wrong verb form
enable
show examples
them
communicate
Add the particle
to communicate
show examples
anywhere around the world through one message, so they miss
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
a real-life experience of face-to-face communication.
For example
,
Children
nowadays
relay
Correct your spelling
rely
show examples
more on video games
instead
physical sports
such
as cricket,
football
Correct word choice
and football
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
using smart gadgets have some positive impact by making communication easy and exploring more knowledge through
fingertip
Correct article usage
the fingertip
show examples
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
also
as
Correct your spelling
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
impact
such
as making
children
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
virtually with no physical activity which results in laziness and health issues at
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
young age.
Submitted by vyshu.bakkiam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: