IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#people #advertisements #products #lives
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Some claim that advertising influences us to make purchases for goods we don't actually need. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that commercials inform us about new things that could make our lives better. Advertising a
product
Use synonyms
 in
attractive
Change the article
an attractive
show examples
 way triggers a desire inside
people
Use synonyms
 and encourages them to buy without thinking of its uses. But I believe that only because of marketing the features of
product
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 learn about new technology/products that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 their life easier. In recent times
due to
Linking Words
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
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 development of digital
marketing
Add a comma
,marketing
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 everything is accessible in a single touch, nowadays with the help of these smart gadgets it was easier for companies to reach
people
Use synonyms
 for marketing any
product
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 are becoming brand conscious as they think
this
Linking Words
 gives them
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social stature, so
people
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 invest more money in a
product
Use synonyms
 with
brand
Add an article
a brand
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 name
instead
Linking Words
 of purchasing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an alternative low brand with
cheaper
Add an article
a cheaper
show examples
 cost.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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 own
IPHONE
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 only for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social stature even though it costs
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lakhs. Unequivocally, Advertising plays a major role in educating us about the products and special features. In a growing trend of online shopping
people
Use synonyms
 can buy things
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Add an article
the fingertip
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fingertip
Fix the agreement mistake
fingertips
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. Adding to
this
Linking Words
,
Current
Correct article usage
the Current
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 generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more knowledge about various types of investments, but if we take a decade ago only mode of savings that we know is opening deposit accounts in banks which gives us
standard
Add an article
a standard
the standard
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 rate of returns, only through
marketing
Add an article
the marketing
show examples
 of these plans
people
Use synonyms
 learnt about various ways of saving their money.
For instance
Linking Words
, we could see that many
people
Use synonyms
 started to
investing
Change the verb
invest
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 in mutual funds, even though the returns are fluctuating but
people
Use synonyms
 are planning for long-term investment that secures their future.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
concluding
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, even though some
people
Use synonyms
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that advertisement encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to buy things that less
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 but in my point of view buying products is totally
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on one’s own discretion. I believe advertisement plays an important role in educating
people
Use synonyms
 about awareness of any new
product
Use synonyms
 before investing money in it.
Submitted by vyshu.bakkiam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
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