The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should put art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subjects such as information technology. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#role #education #children #world #schools #art #music #curriculum #focus #subjects #information #technology

Education is important for children to get prepared for the upcoming life when they head out of school and into the modern world. Many supports that

art

and

music

should be replaced with trendy

subjects

such

as information technology,

however

, I disagree with the decision to replace

such

subjects

instead

, more thorough planning on the new system to include

such

curriculum

subjects

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

life will be the most viable solution. A school providing

art

and

music

as a

curriculum

is a plus for students as these

curriculum

helps improve a children's cognitive development. With the world growing exponentially in technologies, creativity is what a huge company need as

this

brings them new business ideas to top their competitors in the field.

For instance

, when AI

first

Add a missing verb

was first

show examples

released to the public, many China companies starts hiring individuals to ask ChatGPT creative questions to get business ideas.

Furthermore

art

and

music

are

also

important careers in the industry as many movie and

music

companies need individuals that

excels

Change the verb form

excel

show examples

these field

Change the determiner

this field

these fields

show examples

to produce a masterpiece.

For example

, SONY's

spiderman

Capitalize word

Spiderman

show examples

into the

spiderverse

Correct your spelling

spider verse

spider-verse

and

accross

Correct your spelling

across

the

spiderverse

Correct your spelling

spider verse

spider-verse

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

received positive reviews from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

consumers as the

art

and

music

produced by these

art

and

music

individuals

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

outstanding.

Although

AI has taken over the

art

and

music

industry recently,

however

, the results of these movies or

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

are not liked by the public as it feels fake and not original,

therefore

, AI

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

will never replace the talent and creativity of a human. In conclusion,

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should make

curriculum

subjects

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elective to allow

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

to pick what they love the most and not remove these

subjects

totally stopping

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

with passion and love to achieve in fields they prefer.

Submitted by honzent99 on Tue Aug 01 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should put art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subjects such as information technology. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that study is the best way to get news while others think that hang out is better for this purpose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Mobile phones have changed the way people communicate. Nowadays people cannot live without them if they want to be a part of society. To what extent do you think this is true? Why do you think some people have not adapted to this type of communication?

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that government should tax unhealthy foods to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?