The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should put art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subjects such as information technology. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#role #education #children #world #schools #art #music #curriculum #focus #subjects #information #technology

Education is important for children to get prepared for the upcoming life when they head out of school and into the modern world. Many supports that

art

and

music

should be replaced with trendy

subjects

such

as information technology,

however

, I disagree with the decision to replace

such

subjects

instead

, more thorough planning on the new system to include

such

curriculum

subjects

students

Change noun form

students'

student's

show examples

life will be the most viable solution. A school providing

art

and

music

as a

curriculum

is a plus for students as these

curriculum

helps improve a children's cognitive development. With the world growing exponentially in technologies, creativity is what a huge company need as

this

brings them new business ideas to top their competitors in the field.

For instance

, when AI

first

Add a missing verb

was first

show examples

released to the public, many China companies starts hiring individuals to ask ChatGPT creative questions to get business ideas.

Furthermore

art

and

music

are

also

important careers in the industry as many movie and

music

companies need individuals that

excels

Change the verb form

excel

show examples

these field

Change the determiner

this field

these fields

show examples

to produce a masterpiece.

For example

, SONY's

spiderman

Capitalize word

Spiderman

show examples

into the

spiderverse

Correct your spelling

spider verse

spider-verse

and

accross

Correct your spelling

across

the

spiderverse

Correct your spelling

spider verse

spider-verse

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

received positive reviews from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

consumers as the

art

and

music

produced by these

art

and

music

individuals

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

outstanding.

Although

AI has taken over the

art

and

music

industry recently,

however

, the results of these movies or

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

are not liked by the public as it feels fake and not original,

therefore

, AI

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

will never replace the talent and creativity of a human. In conclusion,

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should make

curriculum

subjects

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elective to allow

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

to pick what they love the most and not remove these

subjects

totally stopping

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

with passion and love to achieve in fields they prefer.

Submitted by honzent99 on Tue Aug 01 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

holistic development
cognitive abilities
cultural education
globally connected world
problem-solving skills
critical thinking
well-rounded education
self-expression
mental health impacts
digital art
music production
technology-driven careers
academic performance
intellectual growth
emotional development
creative subjects
enrich creativity
foster a sense of achievement
stress relief

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Due to low-cost flights, many people are choosing to holiday abroad rather than have holidays in their own country. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?
Nowadays, going abroad for travel is more popular than before becuse of low-cost flights, so a lot of people choose going to another counry for holidays instead of surfing their own country. This approach has some benefits and some backdraws. In this essay i will discuss about this subject.
5
band
It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people prefer to purchase a lot of cheap clothes, rather than just some more expensive ones. I strongly disagree with this statement mainly due to the wide variety use of different clothes.
6.5
band
Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals believe that the right place to teach children how to become good citizens is the school, while others argue that parents should be the ones responsible for that. Although parents might influence their children more than anyone else, I believe that educational institutions are more trained and equipped to teach children how to become successful members of the community.
7.5
band
Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays technology is advancing faster than ever and many fields are benefitting from the opportunities this trend presents. Some think that crime prevention can be one possible application of new technologies, by allowing them to deter offenders or solve crimes in a faster and easier way. In my opinion, innovation in crime prevention can be
6
band
Serious violent crimes among people who are under-18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated.
There is an opinion that young offenders should be held accountable for their actions just as adults. While I find this view of some people justifiable to some extent, I also argue that treating both young and mature lawbreakers equally may have adverse effects.

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should put art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subjects such as information technology. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Due to low-cost flights, many people are choosing to holiday abroad rather than have holidays in their own country. What are the advantages and disadvantages to this?

It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Crime rates are likely to decline due to the advancements in technology, which will help prevent and solve crimes in an easier way. Do you agree or disagree?

Serious violent crimes among people who are under-18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated.