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Band 4

Many people believe that Social networking sites such as Facebook Have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree.

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
it is a most common factor that the advancement of technology and the growth of social news has tremendous
bad
Correct word choice
negative
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 effects on society. social radio like
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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,
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
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, Facebook etc is rising rapidly among youngsters which drops the huge negative impairment on social isolation.
this
 essay will discuss my opinion in subsequent paragraphs.
to begin
 with, the social publishing networking scene is creating a bulge in a huge market that engage more time in work and individual spend more time on
this
 station rather than making entertainment.
moreover
, social isolation demolishes the interpersonal relations between families and
also
 affects creativity impairment.
For instance
, multiple surveys conducted by colleges that most of the young generations are busy with social publishing and networking chaos
whereas
, they totally forget natural play activities.
secondly
, these social news spots are the main reason for impairment, eye-distance weakness, stress, depression and anxiety caused by youth icons.
Thus
hence
Rephrase
apply
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it is clear that
 our country lacks the huge contribution of a new generation in social economic
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
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 cultural society.
however
, the productivity of a market is highly trapped within these sites' games.
For example
, young adults
are
Verb problem
spend
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 more time
spend in
Verb problem
on
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 their work because of the high pressure on future targets which causes the loss of the young genre. so
this
 is a nuisance to the entire world. in conclusion, because of the additive features of social publishing, many alternatives believe that it will
cause
Verb problem
have
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 a huge negative impact on society.
Therefore
 it badly affects the outcomes of benefits.
according to
 my belief, I strongly agree
that
Change preposition
with
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the idea considering all the positive and negative effects.
Submitted by jeeteshdadlani007 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some logical structure and coherence, but the ideas are not consistently linked together.
task response
The response does not fully address the task, and the ideas lack clear development and support.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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